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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should go to kindergarten before attending Primary School while other believe that it is better for children to stay all day with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Kindergarten may help
Use synonyms
childrens
Replace the word
children
 to adapt before going to primary school. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should
atend Kindergarten
Correct your spelling
attend kindergarten
due to
Linking Words
 more
socialization
Change the spelling
socialisation
show examples
 before the primary.
While
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that the first years should be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 with the family getting memories and enjoying that moment. I believe that in some cases
Use synonyms
childrens
Replace the word
children
 at the
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 may be more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to
parents
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Adaptation to both
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
childrens
Check wording
children
show examples
 and
parents
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 extremely important for those who
got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a baby recently. Kindergarten is a more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 way
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
to get
show examples
 back to the normal
rotine
Correct your spelling
routine
, and
also
Linking Words
 to prepare children
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the future at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Thinking about
adults
Check wording
adults'
show examples
 daily lives, working is a necessary fact for both
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 and
womans
Correct your spelling
women
 nowadays, in many
case
Check wording
cases
show examples
 with big
resposability dutys
Correct your spelling
responsibility duties
. Having a baby may bring some difficulties in the
rotine
Correct your spelling
routine
 of some
people
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the children
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going to be more adapted to the world, once they
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more contact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
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 and different environments.
Body paragraph 2
Memories and enjoyable moments are only possible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 families that intend to avoid any kind of baby programs. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the early age is the most
beutiful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 moment in
Use synonyms
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
 life.
For
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 the first words and first steps. Those moments are only possible for
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to be
more close
Replace the word
closer
 to them at the childhood.
Also
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, some
parents
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 may find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to leave the babys with
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
people
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in reason of reliability
Correct word order
due to reliability reasons
show examples
.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, some
parents
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 do not have
choice
Add an article
a choice
show examples
, leaving their sons at the Kindergarden to get back to the work
rotine
Correct your spelling
routine
 and losing some memories at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 those young
people
Use synonyms
 that goes the
Kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
, probably
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going to be more prepared
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the future,
such
Linking Words
 as going to the Primary School with an easy adaptation.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your view more clear: say if kindergarten is better for most children, or only for families where both parents work.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how kindergarten helps children learn to share, follow rules, and feel ready for school. Explain how time with family can help children feel safe and close.
task response
Use one clear, real example for each side. For example, a child may learn to play with other children at kindergarten. At home, a parent may teach the child words, games, and daily habits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result” to show the next step in your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not fully clear. Write shorter sentences with a clear subject and verb. For example, write “Kindergarten helps parents return to work” instead of “Kindergarten is a more convenient way to parents get back to the normal routine.”
coherence and cohesion
In the last paragraph, restate your view clearly and do not add a new idea. Say which choice you think is best and why.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present the benefits of kindergarten, the value of family time, and your own view.
task response
Your ideas about parents returning to work and children meeting other people are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows an easy-to-see order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “For example”, “Also”, “In addition”, and “However”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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