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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The number of children that read books for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage children to read more?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,the number of
children
Use synonyms
 who have entertainment through reading has sharply
declining
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
.Owing to the
rapidly
Replace the word
rapid
 development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology,
children
Use synonyms
pefer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 games online rather than
reading in the
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 paper
books
Use synonyms
.There are a few reasons why
kids
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 would not choose
books
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 below.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with,one of the
reason
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reasons
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 is that the
convience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 of the
moblie
Correct your spelling
mobile
 phones.Nowadays,the
mojarity
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
children
Use synonyms
owns
Correct subject-verb agreement
own
show examples
 their own
celephones
Correct your spelling
cellphones
,which can be used anytime and anywhere
due to
Linking Words
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 portability.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some printed
books
Use synonyms
 are quite large and inconvenient to carry.
As a result
Linking Words
,more
kids
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 choose to play on their phones.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the diversification of
funning
Correct your spelling
funding
 methods.In the past,most
children
Use synonyms
 could find entertainment through stories in
books
Use synonyms
.But now,with the emergence of video games and various joyful websites,students have more opportunities to pass their time and play.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 and
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
kids
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 will select to read
books
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 for entertainment.
Conclusion
In a nutshell,we can spark
children
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's interest by introducing them to
books
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 with captivating stories,much like the surge in web novels today,which has helped many young
kids
Use synonyms
 rediscover their love for
readings
Replace the word
reading
.

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task response
You explain two clear reasons: phones are easy to use, and children have more ways to have fun. However, the answer only gives one short way to help children read more. Add more ideas, such as parents reading with children, schools making a fun book club, and libraries giving children more books they may like.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain why games and videos can keep children for a long time, while reading needs more time and focus. Use a clear real-life example to show how a parent or school can help.
task response
Make sure the ending answers both parts of the question. Your last paragraph has a useful idea about stories children enjoy, but it should also bring back other ways to help children read.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, two reason paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this plan, but add a full paragraph for ways to encourage reading. This will make the whole answer more even.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use words like “Nowadays”, “In contrast”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” well, but do not start too many sentences in the same way. Try simple links such as “Also”, “For example”, “This means”, and “Because of this”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first paragraph clearer. Say directly that the essay will discuss the reasons for the drop and ways to help children read more. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are not fully linked. For example, after saying books can be large, explain clearly that phones are light and have games, videos, and social apps, so children may choose them more often.
task response
You give relevant reasons for why children read less, especially the easy use of phones and the rise of games and websites.
task response
The idea of using exciting stories to build children’s interest in books is useful and fits the question well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking phrases, such as “In contrast”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proliferation
  • Screen-based entertainment
  • Deprioritizing
  • Storytelling
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Underfunded
  • Affordability
  • Curriculums
  • Foster
  • Digital-native generation
  • Gamify
  • Community-driven
  • Diverse collection
  • Milestones
  • Incentivize
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