IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Recently, your position in the company has changed, and accordingly, you are required to write a letter to ask for some corresponding training programs that contains the following information: • What was your last position? • What qualities does your new position require? • How does the training help you in your new position?

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Dear
Mr.
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Mr
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 Robert Peterson, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. My name is Jules Doan, I was recently
been
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apply
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moved to the marketing manager position
and
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, and
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 I hope that you could provide me
some
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with some
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 quality training
in regards
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regarding
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management
Use synonyms
. Before moving up to
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management
Add an article
a management
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 position, I was a senior fanpage admin for our company's social media platform for 3 years. In my previous role, I
gain
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gained
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 a lot of experience in responding to clients and increasing the traffic for each individual platform.
However
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, as I accept the new role
in
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as
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 general marketing manager, I will need to acknowledge skills
that
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apply
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related to program
management
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. Please kindly arrange a
proffesional
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professional
 training for me next week as I will be officially taking the new role the week after.
This
Linking Words
 training will help me understand the foundation in general
management
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, our company's current system and how you have been running it.
Also
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, a meeting with the previous manager would be helpful for me to gain some insights
on
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into
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 the job. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Jules Doan

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task response
You answer all the main points. Add more clear details about the exact skills you need, such as team work, planning, and making reports.
task response
State the name or kind of training you want. This will make your request more clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: old job, new job, and training. Use simple links such as “Therefore” and “For this reason” to show the connection between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have too many ideas. Keep one main idea in each sentence and paragraph so the reader can follow your message more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal request, for example: “I would be grateful if you could arrange training for me.” Avoid “Please kindly arrange” because it is not natural.
task response
You clearly explain your old role and why you need training for your new job.
task response
You give a good time for the training and explain how it can help you start the new role.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are polite and fit a work letter.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs follow a clear and easy order.
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