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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, when students did a , they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It has been observed that these days students have greater opportunities to
study
Use synonyms
 overseas
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than in the past. I presume that the benefits of these precautionary
action
Check wording
actions
show examples
 would surpass
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 drawbacks to a major extent. My position is elaborated
further
Linking Words
 with reasons and relevant examples.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the brighter side of
study
Use synonyms
 abroad, the foremost one is
learners
Correct word choice
that learners
show examples
 can broaden their experiences and
knowledges
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knowledge
show examples
. Studying in another country helps
student
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students
show examples
 to gain a lot of aspects that are limited in their respective nation.
For example
Linking Words
, some countries often provide more modern technologies that can not
found
Verb problem
be found
show examples
 in
student's
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students'
show examples
 own state, resulting in advanced comprehension.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
scholar
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scholars
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 learn about other
culture
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cultures
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will
be realized
Wrong verb form
realise
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 world is bigger than their own thought and learn how to respect the diversity of society.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the mentioned benefits, individuals
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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study
Use synonyms
 outside their own country will learn how to live independently. The reason because they will live far from their hometown and can not
depending
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 on their parents on-site, allowing them to do their
houseworking
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housework
 and shopping by themselves.
This
Linking Words
 action
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 scholars to gain new skills and not continously depended on other people.
Body paragraph 3
On the contrary
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, I would not overlook the advantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad can
also
Linking Words
affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 humans' mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
. Adapting to the new environment without family and friends in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
county
Use the right word
country
show examples
 where individuals are not fluent in speaking the language or having a different way to live might be exhausting.
Consequently
Linking Words
, individuals might feel
depression
Replace the word
depressed
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are both merits
as well as
Linking Words
 demerits of learning in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 land. I believe that
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
 abroad is more advantageous because it will deliver wider experiences in
knowledges
Check wording
knowledge
show examples
, social
, and
Check wording
skills, and
show examples
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 independently.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say that the good points are greater than the bad points. Keep this same view in every main part and in the end.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how study in another country gives better learning, new ways of life, and more skills for daily life.
task response
Use one clear, real-looking example for each main point. For example, a student may use new lab tools at a school abroad and then use these skills at work.
task response
The part about mental health is useful, but explain why it is a bad point and why the good points are still greater. You can also add cost as another bad point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first part with your view, two main parts for the good points, one main part for bad points, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a clear topic sentence. For example: “One major good point is better learning.” Then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In the end.” Do not use a link if the next sentence does not follow clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the subject clear in each sentence. Avoid unclear words such as “this action” or “the mentioned benefits.” Say exactly what action or benefit you mean.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view that study abroad has more good points.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: better learning, learning about other people, living on one’s own, and possible stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as “For example,” “Additionally,” “On the contrary,” and “To conclude.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural diversity
  • Global exposure
  • Prestigious universities
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Language barriers
  • Financial implications
  • International qualifications
  • Global networking
  • Cultural adaptation
  • Educational opportunities
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