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Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

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Introduction
Nowadays, most
of
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apply
show examples
individuals
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to shop online. As technology getting forward mass prefer to make their tasks easier
like
Rephrase
, such as
 purchasing things online. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 innovation offers benefits to
consumers
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 and
business
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 owners
,
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;
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 it
also
Linking Words
 creates certain challenges for both.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, online shopping
provide with
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provides a
 wide range of choices.
Consumers
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 can purchase almost anything from their comfort zone
,
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apply
show examples
 without spending time going to physical stores.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 online shopping allow to compare prices, read reviews and
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 the products that meet their needs.
From
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On the
 side of
business
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 owners
working
Punctuation problem
, working
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 through digital platforms saves money
,
Correct word choice
and
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 time
,
Add a semicolon
;
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 they do not need to employ
large
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a large
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 number of employees. Digital platforms allow
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business
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businesses
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 from all over the world to reach customers from different geographical
location
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locations
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping online
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 several disadvantages. One major concern for buyers is that they cannot physically examine
product
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the product
show examples
 that they wish to buy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, items delivered may be out of expectations because of these reasons.
Additionally
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, in online
shopping
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shopping,
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 we can mention payment that can carry
certin
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certain
 risks, that can be payment fraud and
misusing
Replace the word
misuse of
 personal information. For online businesses, there can be really big competition because there gathered
business
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 owners from different
counties
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countries
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.
Moreover
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, companies can face
with
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apply
show examples
challenges
as
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such as
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 delivery delays, damaged goods and product
return
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returns
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, all of
them
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which
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 can increase operating
cost
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costs
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 and negatively affect their reputation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, online purchasing offers benefits, greater choice and lower operating expenses for entrepreneurs
,
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;
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
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 risks for
consumers
Use synonyms
 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 competition challenges.
Therefore
Linking Words
, both companies and
consumers
Use synonyms
 need to take appropriate measures to
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 these disadvantages.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. You write about good and bad points for both buyers and companies. To make your ideas stronger, add one clear real-life example for each side. For example, a buyer can save time by buying food after work, while a small shop can sell to people in other cities.
task response
Some points need more detail. Explain why a wide choice is helpful, why returns raise company costs, and how payment fraud can harm buyers. This will make your answer more full and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, good points, bad points, and a closing. The use of “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more natural. Do not start too many sentences with “Although” or “Additionally” when the grammar does not fit. Use simple links such as “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main idea in one clear sentence, then explain it in the next sentence. For example: “Online shops have lower costs. They do not need to rent a large shop or hire many workers.” This makes your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form carefully. Problems such as “most of individuals are prefer”, “shopping online provide”, and “they cannot physically examine product” can make the meaning less clear. Use simple correct forms: “Most people prefer”, “online shopping provides”, and “examine the product”.
task response
You cover the key good points: saving time, more choice, price checks, lower costs, and reaching people in many places.
task response
You also cover useful bad points for both groups, such as not seeing goods before buying, payment risk, strong competition, and delivery problems.
coherence and cohesion
The four-part shape of the essay is easy to follow, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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