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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents spend little free time with their children today. Why is this? Who do you think this affects more, parents or children?

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Introduction
The issue of
parents
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are
Verb problem
apply
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spending little free
time
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 with their
children
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 today
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has been the subject of considerable debate in recent years. Some people believe that it affects
children
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`s
lives
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it affects
parents
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 more than
children
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.
This
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 essay will examine the main causes and both perspectives before offering
own
Correct determiner usage
my own
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 opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits, I firmly believe that it
impact
Verb problem
has an impact
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 on
children
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`s
lives
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.
Body paragraph 1
One main cause of spending the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 little free
time
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 with their
children
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 is that they must
work
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 to
afford
Verb problem
earn
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 money for their
children
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.
For instance
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, if a woman spends
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of her
time
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 in the company, she cannot leave her
work
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 to see her
children
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.
Furthermore
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, the
work
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 is not only the reason
of speanding
Rephrase
for spending
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parents
Check wording
parents'
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 little free
time
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 with their
children
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, but it
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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children
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feeling lonly
Rephrase
feel lonely
. Meanwhile, there are many
parents
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prefer
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who prefer
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 spending
the
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apply
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most of their
time
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 outside their homes to entertain themselves.
Body paragraph 2
On one hand, those who advocate that
Spending
Fix capitalization
spending
show examples
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parents
Check wording
parents'
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 little free
time
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 with their
children
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 affects
childern`s
Correct your spelling
children`s
lives
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 argue that many young people suffer from depression nowadays. The main reason is that their
parents
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 do not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
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 them and spend most of their
time
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 outside their homes.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, many who hold the belief that spending
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parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 little free
time
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 with their
children
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 affects
parents
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 more than
children
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 emphasise that many
parents
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 must
work
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 to afford money for their
children
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, so many
parents
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 feel exhausted and upsted due cannot see their
children
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, spending
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parents
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parents'
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 little free
time
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 with their
children
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 has
a
Verb problem
become a
show examples
pressing issue in recent years.
However
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, I firmly believe it affects
children
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`s
lives
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.

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Task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Explain why parents have less time, then say clearly who is hurt more and why.
Task response
Your main view is clear: children are hurt more. Add more detail about how less time can make a child feel sad, alone, or less close to a parent.
Task response
Use real and clear examples. The example about a woman at work is too short. Show what happens to the child when she gets home late every day.
Task response
Avoid saying the same idea many times. You repeat that parents work and children feel alone. Add another cause, such as long travel time or phones and other free-time plans.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body part do one job. The first body part should only explain causes. The next parts should compare the effect on children and parents.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “One reason is…”, “As a result,…”, “In contrast,…”, and “For this reason,…”.
Coherence and cohesion
Write full, clear sentences. For example, change “it impact on children`s lives” to “it has a big effect on children’s lives.”
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words in a clear form. Write “parents spend little free time with their children” instead of “spending parents little free time”.
Task response
You discuss both children and parents, and you give your own view at the end.
Task response
You give a clear main cause: many parents work long hours to support their children.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs and has an introduction and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “On the other hand” help show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental involvement
  • Work-life balance
  • Screen time
  • Societal norms
  • Neglect
  • Guilt
  • Milestones
  • Family bonding
  • Quality time
  • Effective parenting
  • Familial connections
  • Dedicated family time
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