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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Introduction; I am going to talk about the number
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 to three London museums between 2007 and 2012. They have to choose only two museums that are the national
gallery
Use synonyms
, Victoria and Albert
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize the proper name
Museum
show examples
. They have different annual
visitors
Use synonyms
 in different years
between
Change preposition
, with a difference of
show examples
 six years of difference. Overview, In
this
Linking Words
graphic
Add a comma
graphic,
show examples
 they have different
anual
Correct your spelling
annual
visitors
Use synonyms
 in all these years
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that are
Change preposition
from 2007
show examples
 to 2007 and 2012. And we have to compare the annual
visitors
Use synonyms
 in all these different
tears
Use the right word
years
show examples
. In the
national
Capitalize the proper name
National Gallery
show examples
Use synonyms
gallery
Add a comma
gallery,
show examples
 the best moment
taking
Use the right word
talking
show examples
 about the
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 in 2012 with 15
millions
Use synonyms
 of anual visitor. In the Victoria and Albert
museum
Use synonyms
 are in 2007 and 2008.
However
Linking Words
, the
year
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
increase
Verb problem
saw
show examples
 a
lot
Check wording
significant increase
show examples
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in the other
Use synonyms
museum
Add a comma
museum,
show examples
 the
moment
Check wording
year
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
increase
Verb problem
saw a significant increase
show examples
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 graphic
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that the national
gallery
Use synonyms
 have in 2007 a little
anual
Correct your spelling
annual
 visitor like 5
Use synonyms
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 in 2008
increase
Use synonyms
 a little bit more
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
show examples
 7.5
Use synonyms
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 in
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 have equal like 2008
that is
Linking Words
 approximately 7.5
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 in 2010
increase
Use synonyms
 more like 11
million
Use synonyms
of anual
Rephrase
annual
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
people
Use synonyms
 that come to visit the National
Use synonyms
gallery
Capitalize the proper name
Gallery
show examples
 in 2011
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 12
million
Use synonyms
of anual
Rephrase
annual
visitors
Use synonyms
. In the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
,
show examples
2012
Add a comma
2012,
show examples
 they increased
a lot like
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 15
Use synonyms
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the other
museum
Use synonyms
 in
2007
Punctuation problem
2007,
show examples
 they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a lot of
visitors
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 14
Use synonyms
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 in that
year
Use synonyms
. In
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 the
museum
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the same annual
visitors
Use synonyms
. But in 2009 decrease to 8
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
 annual
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 in 2010 decrease
like
Change preposition
of
show examples
 6
million
Use synonyms
visitor
Check wording
visitors
show examples
. In 2011
increase
Use synonyms
 to 7.5
million
Use synonyms
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
similar amount o
people
Use synonyms
 like 2010. In the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, the
Victorian
Replace the word
Victoria
 and Albert
Use synonyms
museum have
Rephrase
Museum had
 only 10
million
Use synonyms
of anual
Rephrase
annual
visitors
Use synonyms
 in that
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, gallery, museum, people, year, millions, increase, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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