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Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should learn a foreign language at school from an early age, while others think it is better to start learning a new language as an adult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some groups of
people
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different views about
a learning
Correct word order
the age at which to learn a
show examples
 foreign
language
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. A first group say that
people
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 must learn it from an early
age
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. The other one
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 it is more beneficial to learn it when they are adult. I believe it is better to learn it when
people
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 are younger, because
people
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 might be able to develope it's skills
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
. I can discuss
this
Linking Words
 in more depth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the other view
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also
Punctuation problem
, also
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 in the next paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, sometimes a
mandator
Replace the word
mandatory
language
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that is
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 taught to
children
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, it turns out
to not
Unsplit the infinitive
not to
show examples
 be useful when they are adults. Generally,
children
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 may not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vivid
plans
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 for their
future
Use synonyms
. Some
children
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 may learn a
language
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 in
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
 without choosing
them
Correct pronoun usage
to
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.
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 might not be useful for their
future
Use synonyms
plans
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if an
Egyption
Correct your spelling
Egyptian
 student
learnt germany
Correct your spelling
learned German
 as a child, he might not end up
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to
German spoken
Replace the word
German-speaking
 countries or have any intentions related to
this
Linking Words
language
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 as an adult. Unlikely, he might need to learn
a other
Correct your spelling
another
language
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 related to his job or a country he needs to travel to in the
future
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,
this
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 can appear when he is older. So, for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sake of those
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people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it might be useful to learn a
language
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 or choose it when they are older.
This
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 is because they might have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vivid
plans
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 for themselves
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 at
this
Linking Words
 time, they are more likely to benefit from learning a foreign
language
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 related to their
future
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plans
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
children
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 might be better
overtime
Use the right word
over time
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 from an early
age
Use synonyms
.
Languages
Use synonyms
 can consist of grammar, pronunciation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 other
rules
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are not likely to learn these
rules
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first time. They might need time to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 and learn these
rules
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 better, if they are younger. So, if they were taught
this
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 from an early
age
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, they might be better year by year.
Besides
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, some
languages
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 can make learning other
languages
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 easier for
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research about
people
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 who are taught English first before other
languages
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 that they
would
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
find grammar
rules
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 of other
languages
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 easier to learn. So, it would be better for
children
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 to learn
languages
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 like English from an early
age
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 to ease the process of learning other
languages
Use synonyms
 afterwards.
Conclusion
In my opinion, even though learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 as an adult can have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 benefit of
utilizing
Change the spelling
utilising
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 more in adults'
future
Use synonyms
plans
Use synonyms
 about work and travel. I support the other view about learning a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
Use synonyms
 from an early
age
Use synonyms
. So, they might become better at it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rules
Use synonyms
 gradually
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
besides
Linking Words
, other
languages
Use synonyms
 probably become easier to learn
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they were taught
Use synonyms
language
Add an article
a language
show examples
 like English
Linking Words
firstly
Rephrase
first
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To improve, explain each main point more fully. For example, say why young children can learn sounds more easily, and why adults may need a language for a job or travel.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The point about a child learning the wrong language is useful, but make clear that this is one reason some people prefer adult learning.
task response
Use examples that are clear and correct. Instead of saying there is research, explain one simple example in your own words. Do not make a research claim unless you can explain it well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part state the main idea clearly. Then give one reason, one example, and a short link back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: "If children start early, they have more time to practise grammar and sounds."
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are good, but words such as "however", "therefore", and "for example" should show a clear link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "might" and "better" too often. Use simple changes such as "can", "have more time", "improve", and "gain useful skills".
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state that you prefer children to start young.
task response
Your example about future work and travel shows that you try to support the view that adult learners can choose a more useful language.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear: introduction, one view, the other view, and your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic linking phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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