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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives for those who commit minor crimes, such as making them do community service. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
How society ought to punish those who break the law remains a difficult question.
While
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 some argue that every offender belongs behind bars, others believe that people guilty of minor crimes,
such
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 as shoplifting or vandalism, should be given alternative penalties like unpaid work for the
community
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.
Although
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 both sides have merit, I believe that
community
Use synonyms
 service is the wiser option for small offences,
whereas
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 prison should remain for violent or repeat
criminals
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offenders
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who favour imprisonment for all point first to deterrence. If a shoplifter or a reckless driver knows that a cell awaits them, they may think twice, so the threat itself protects the public. In Morocco,
for instance
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, tougher sentences for mobile-phone theft in Casablanca were followed by a visible fall in
such
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 incidents, which suggests that fear of custody changes behaviour. Closely linked to
this
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 deterrent effect is fairness, since victims only trust the system when they see every culprit punished equally.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, supporters of alternatives raise a serious objection. The most important
is
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thing is
show examples
 that prisons turn minor offenders into hardened criminals because a teenager who spends six months beside burglars and drug dealers often leaves with new skills and new contacts. A youth programme in Tangier,
for example
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, which sends first-time offenders to repair schools and parks under supervision, has reported far fewer repeat crimes than the local jail, proving that useful work reforms people better than confinement.
Moreover
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,
community
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 service costs the taxpayer a fraction of a prison place, and,
consequently
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, the money saved can fund police and rehabilitation. In my view,
therefore
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, custody must be reserved for dangerous people,
while
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 those who cause little harm can repay society directly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, locking up everyone promises deterrence and equality, yet it frequently produces worse criminals at enormous cost. On balance, supervised
community
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 service is the more effective response to minor wrongdoing.

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task response
You answer all parts of the question. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly why prison is still needed for repeat crime, not only for violent crime.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. Be careful with the Morocco and Tangier examples: if they are not from real facts, use a more general example instead. This can make your work sound more true and safe.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, one side, the other side, your view, and end. Keep this strong plan in future work.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words help the reader follow your ideas. You can use fewer links such as "moreover" and "consequently" when the meaning is already clear, so the writing feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last part of the second main paragraph gives your own view well. You could put one short sentence with your view at the start of that paragraph too, to make the change to your view even clearer.
task response
You discuss both prison and community service, and you give a clear view that community service fits minor crime while prison fits dangerous or repeat crime.
task response
You explain your ideas with clear reasons: fear may stop crime, prison may make small offenders worse, and community work can help the public and save money.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear main point, and the ideas move in a smooth, easy-to-follow way.
coherence and cohesion
The first and last paragraphs clearly show the topic and bring your main view together.
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