Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned because it encourages them to want things they do not need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that commercials for toys, sweets and games should be forbidden on any channel or app that youngsters watch.
While
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I accept that parents
also
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carry responsibility, I largely agree that adverts designed for under-twelves, though not every advert a child might see, should be banned because young minds cannot resist professional persuasion, and the buying habits formed early
last
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a lifetime.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly,
such
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a ban carries a cost. Advertising pays for the cartoons and free apps that families enjoy, so removing it pushes those services behind a paywall. In Kuwait,
for instance
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, a popular children's channel lost a third of its income after a voluntary code on sweets adverts in 2022, and it replaced two local programmes with cheaper imports. Closely linked to
this
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is the view that a firm "no" at the supermarket teaches more than any law. Yet broadcasters can sell adult-targeted slots
instead
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, and no parent watches every screen.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the case for protection is far stronger. The most important reason is that a six-year-old lacks the tools to judge a sales message. A Moroccan survey of primary pupils in 2023,
for example
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, found that heavy viewers of cartoon channels asked for branded cereal three times more often than classmates, and that craving became a daily sugary breakfast, which shaped their diet.
Moreover
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, the rule can work online
as well as
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on television. Britain required video platforms in 2021 to switch off targeted adverts on accounts registered as under twelve, and complaints from parents fell by half within a year. In my view,
therefore
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, lost revenue is a small price for healthier children.
Conclusion
In conclusion, commercials aimed at the young exploit minds that cannot yet defend themselves. On balance, a targeted ban is justified, and parental guidance should complement rather than replace it.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree, but you also show the other side. To make it even stronger, say more clearly why the ban should cover ads made for children, not all ads that children may see.
Task response
Your main ideas are well explained. Be careful with facts such as the Kuwait, Morocco, and Britain cases. If these are not from a known source, use a more general example, since very exact facts can seem made up.
Task response
The point about parents is useful, but it could be developed a little more. Explain why parents cannot always control ads on phones, games, and video sites.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has one main job: cost, then need for protection, then your final view.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, and “Moreover”. Do not add many more, because the flow is already natural.
Coherence and cohesion
The link between the first paragraph and the next is clear. You could make the first body paragraph tighter by joining the two cost points more directly: free shows may cost more, and parents cannot watch every screen.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion gives a clear answer and does not bring in a new idea. This is effective.
Task response
You answer the full question and keep the focus on ads aimed at children.
Task response
You give clear reasons for your view: children may not see the real aim of ads, and early buying habits can last for years.
Task response
You include the other side before showing why your own view is stronger.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states your position and sets out the two main reasons.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical, and the final paragraph matches the view in the opening.
Coherence and cohesion
Examples are placed after the ideas they support, so the reader can understand their purpose.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • fast food
  • childhood obesity
  • poor nutrition
  • physical education
  • urbanization
  • safety concerns
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
  • health awareness
  • fitness programs
  • exercise routines
  • dietary habits
  • academic priorities
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