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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters, and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

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Introduction
In the contemporary era,
science
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 and
technology
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 are developing at the fastest pace ever seen.
However
Linking Words
, areas of
art
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 like music, painting, or writing still hold a vital role in the development of humanity. Unlike
science
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 and
technology
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,
art
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 can teach us the necessity of emotions and moral lessons, so it is
also
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 important in its own way.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
art
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 is
such
Linking Words
 a powerful tool to express
humans’
Replace the word
human
 emotions.
While
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science
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 and
technology
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 show us precision and logic,
art
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 helps humans understand feelings and build empathy toward each other. To exemplify, scientific fields like biology and chemistry can explain how the natural environments around us grow and develop, but they cannot explain a poet feeling when looking at a magnificent landscape of nature.
Art
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 is not based on
usual
Add an article
a usual
show examples
 logical structure, but it’s built on strong sentiment.
Therefore
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,
art
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 helps people build mutual connections, helps people feel less lonely, and
deal
Verb problem
helps them deal
show examples
 with solitude.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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,
art
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 can teach us moral lessons,
such
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 as respecting differences between cultures. When watching movies or listening to songs from other cultures, people might be confused by unfamiliar etiquette and social norms. But
art
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 teaches us to look at things from another perspective and try to bridge the cultural gap, rather than rushing
judgements
Correct your spelling
judgments
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
art
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also
Linking Words
 teaches us about
empathizing
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empathising
show examples
 with others’ points of view and encourages us to understand each other.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
science
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 and
technology
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 can develop amenities around us and help our lives become better, they are still unable to express emotions and teach moral lessons. We still need artistic fields to make our lives more vibrant and give true meaning to our existence.

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task response
You answer the main question well. You show that art gives us feelings, care for others, and lessons about how to live. To make the answer more complete, explain more clearly what science can do and why it cannot give the same kind of help as art.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear, but the first example is not fully clear. Change “a poet feeling” to “how a poet feels”. Then show what the poet may feel, such as peace, fear, or hope, and why science cannot show this personal meaning.
task response
The culture paragraph is useful, but add one real or clear example. For example, a film about a family in another country may help viewers see why its ways of life matter. This would make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan. Make the link between sentences smoother by using words such as “For example”, “In this way”, and “As a result” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat. In the first body part, you say art helps people connect, feel less alone, and deal with being alone. Join these ideas into one stronger point, then add one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Use more exact wording in a few places. For example, write “do not rush to judge” instead of “rather than rushing judgements”. Also, “art is not based on a usual logical structure” can be made clearer: “Art does not always follow logic.”
task response
You stay on the topic from start to end and give a direct answer: art can show feelings and teach us how to understand other people.
task response
The point about art helping people see life through another culture is relevant and thoughtful.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, and the ending brings the main points together well.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all”, “Moreover”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
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