IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many companies,working from home allow employees to work from home instead of going to an office.do the advantages outwigh the disadvantages

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Working from home is an increasingly popular trend among many companies rather than the traditional office-based workstyle.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach has some demerits, I believe that online working enables
workers
Use synonyms
 to maintain their
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and
also
Linking Words
 reduces the office's expenses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly think that the merits of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh its drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
One significant benefit of remote
work
Use synonyms
 is that
workers
Use synonyms
 can balance their personal and professional lives, as they do not need to commute to and from
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, staff can utilise
this
Linking Words
 saved time with their family members and
also
Linking Words
 help their family with household responsibilities.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can strengthen their relationship with their families and
also
Linking Words
 lead healthier and happier lives.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 modern way of working
also
Linking Words
 helps the organisation.
This
Linking Words
 is because there is no need for any offices
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 a working setup for
workers
Use synonyms
 if they
work
Use synonyms
 from home.
For instance
Linking Words
, the electricity bill and office maintenance costs can be saved.
Consequently
Linking Words
, employers can invest
this
Linking Words
 money in training their employees.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, despite these merits, there are some drawbacks to using the online method . Employees may lose their social interaction with their colleagues , and managers
also
Linking Words
 encounter the difficulty of monitoring the progress of their teams
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of face-to-face conversation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can affect team relationships and reduce
staff'
Check wording
staff's
show examples
 sense of belonging in the workplace.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 remote
work
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages for
workers
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 higher authorities, I believe
this
Linking Words
 latest approach has more positive consequences because it is beneficial for both
workers
Use synonyms
 and employers in terms of saving money and maintaining a better lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your answer gives a clear view: the good points are greater than the bad points. Keep this clear view from the first part to the end.
task response
Add more depth to each main point. For example, explain how more family time can help workers do better at work, or how saved office money can help a company grow.
task response
Your examples fit the ideas, but they are quite general. Use one clear, real-life style example, such as a parent who saves two hours of travel each day.
task response
The bad side is shorter than the good side. Explain more clearly why less social time and weaker team work do not change your final view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two good points, one bad point, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore' well, but do not use 'Therefore' when the next idea is not a result of the last sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For instance, after the point about saved travel time, state how this leads to a better work-life balance before moving to family life.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea or word too often, such as 'workers', 'work', and 'home'. You can use simple changes like 'staff', 'people', or 'this way of work'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and clearly say that working from home has more good points than bad points.
task response
The points about family time, lower office costs, social contact, and team control are all relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which helps the reader understand your view.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and gives reasons for it, so the essay feels complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: