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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people use social media every day to keep in touch with others and follow the news. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, social
media
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 is considered one of the preferred methods to connect with
people
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 and
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world
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the world
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there are some disadvantages associated with the excessive use of social
media
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like
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, like
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 less physical interaction, I firmly believe that
this
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 trend has various advantages
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such
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, such
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 as vast connectivity and rapid access to
the
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apply
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updated information.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one of the major advantages of using social platforms is global connectivity. To explain it, the advanced digital applications of social networks facilitate
long distance
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long-distance
 communication across the entire
world
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.
For instance
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, digital applications
such
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 as
whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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 and
instagram
Capitalize the proper name
Instagram
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 provide an option of video call by which individuals can communicate with their relatives and
closed
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close
 family members who live in foreign countries.
Consequently
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, social
media
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 enhances the way of communication despite
of
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apply
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long distances.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, another advantage of social
media
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 is access to up-to-date information.
In other words
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, with the help of social
media
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,
people
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 can watch current affairs
of
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apply
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all over the
world
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 sitting comfortably
at
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in
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 their homes.
For instance
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,
you tube
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YouTube
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 is an effective platform where
number
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a number
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 of news channels are available. These channels are particularly run by
people
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 to raise awareness regarding social issues
of
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in
show examples
 the
world
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 have complete access to the right information thanks to all of these social networks.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, social
media
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 brings various significant benefits
in
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to
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 the
world
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 by connecting
people
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 living in different corners of the
world
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 and raising awareness regarding the current events happening at the global level. Despite excessive use of social
media
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reduces
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reducing
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 face-to-face interactions,
this
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 behaviour can be improved by
self discipline
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self-discipline
 and having
balanced
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a balanced
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 lifestyle by becoming accountable towards the time
spend
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spent
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 on social platforms.

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task response
State your main answer more clearly: the good points are stronger than the bad points. You do this in the first part, but say it again in the end in a short, direct way.
task response
Give more space to the bad side. You name less face-to-face time, but you do not fully explain why this can cause problems for people, friends, or family.
task response
Be more careful with the claim that social media gives people the right information. News online can be false or one-sided. You can say it gives fast access to news, but people should check the source.
task response
Your examples fit your points. Make them more exact by explaining how a video call helps a family stay close, or how fast news can help people know about an important event.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two good points, and an ending. Keep this plan, but add one full paragraph about the bad side before you decide that the good points are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Words such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, and “As a result” are useful, but do not use too many. Let the ideas themselves lead the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part shorter and clearer. The final sentence has many ideas in one sentence. Split it into two short sentences so your final view is easy to follow.
task response
You answer the main question and clearly support the view that social media has more good points than bad points.
task response
The two main ideas, staying in touch across long distance and getting news quickly, are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph starts with a clear main idea, then gives an example and a result. This makes the writing easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present, and the ending returns to the main view of the essay.
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