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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, the Internet has become an essential source of
information
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, making it easier than ever for
children
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 to access a wide range of
knowledge
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.
As a result
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, some people argue that
schools
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 should place less emphasis on teaching factual
information
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 and focus more on developing
students
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' abilities, potential and interpersonal relationships. I largely agree with
this
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 view, as
schools
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 should prepare
children
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 for real-life challenges rather than simply provide
information
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 that can be easily found online.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, since a vast amount of factual
information
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 is readily available on the Internet,
schools
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 should place greater emphasis on developing
students
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' critical thinking and problem-solving
skills
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.
Instead
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 of memorising
information
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,
children
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 should learn how to analyse, evaluate and apply
knowledge
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 in different situations.
For example
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, online platforms
such
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 as Coursera provide courses covering a wide range of subjects, allowing
students
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 to acquire basic
knowledge
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 independently.
Therefore
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, teachers can spend more classroom time encouraging
students
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 to discuss ideas, solve problems and explore their individual interests.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, certain abilities and interpersonal
skills
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 cannot be effectively developed through online learning alone.
Schools
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 provide
students
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 with opportunities to interact with others, work in teams and learn how to deal with different opinions.
For instance
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, group projects require
children
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 to communicate effectively, cooperate with classmates and resolve conflicts. These experiences help them develop social
skills
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 that are essential for their future careers and personal lives.
Moreover
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, teachers can identify
students
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' strengths and weaknesses through direct interaction and provide guidance to help them reach their full potential.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I largely agree that
schools
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 should shift their focus from simply teaching factual
information
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 towards developing
students
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' abilities and interpersonal
skills
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.
However
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, factual
knowledge
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 should not be completely abandoned, as it provides the foundation for critical thinking and
further
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 learning.

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task response
Your view is clear, and you answer both sides of the issue well. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully what facts schools should still teach, such as basic science, history, or maths facts.
task response
Your examples fit your main ideas. The Coursera example is useful, but it would be better to show how a child uses online facts and then needs a teacher to check, use, or question them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. You use words such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “Moreover” well. You could also link the last sentence of one main part more directly to the first sentence of the next part.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear point and then support. In the first main part, add one short line about why facts alone do not help children make good choices online.
task response
You give a clear main view: schools should spend more time on skills and work with other people, but they should still teach key facts.
task response
Your ideas are on topic and well explained. The points about critical thought, problem solving, group work, and help from teachers are strong.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each part has a clear purpose and the ideas move in a natural order.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to your main view and adds an important limit: facts are still the base for later learning.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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