IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
Many
people
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 believe that international sporting
events
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 are an ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the host
country
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,
while
Linking Words
 others consider them a waste of
money
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. I completely disagree with the latter view because I believe these
events
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 are worth the
money
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 spent on them.
Body paragraph 1
One crucial reason ,why I do not share the latter view is that
country
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 can exploit these occaison and promot their tourism, trought the show of their traditions and the way the welcome
people
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 can build a renable image in the world eyes and that will encourage
people
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 to visit these countries ,
as a result
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, the tourism of these
country
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 can became prosperous and that way the investisment in these type of
events
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 actually worth because
finally
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 that will bringt more gain.
For
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 Catar in
cup
Add an article
the cup
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wold fifa
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world would FIFA
 or Morocco in
cup
Add an article
the cup
show examples
Africa
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of Africa
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 ,they build a strong image in the world that they
great
Verb problem
are great
show examples
 nations welcoming and
sayf
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safe
.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 tourism
have had
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 increased
insanly
Correct your spelling
significantly
.
Body paragraph 2
On the
ohter
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other
 hand, some
people
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 consider these
events
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 not benefical that because through them countries
spent
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spend
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 a huge
unresonable
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unreasonable
 amount of
money
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.
Namely
Punctuation problem
Namely,
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 the costs of organisations, hosting, labour,
accomodation ext.
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accommodation, etc.,
 they think that
trought these
Rephrase
through this
money
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 can fix a lot of
problem
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problems
show examples
 in the
country
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 hosting
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such
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, such
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 as unemployment, health, or education.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Punctuation problem
Furthermore,
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 many think that sport
not
Verb problem
is not
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 worth
these
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this
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 effort and
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Althought
Rephrase
Although these
this
Linking Words
 arguments are valid to some extent, I still think that they are not able to say the benefit of these
event
Check wording
events
show examples
 in the long term and understand what
behind
Verb problem
is behind
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 these
actes
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acts
.
Body paragraph 3
To conclude
Linking Words
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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 some see
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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mainlty
Correct your spelling
mainly
 a waste of
money
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 on something ,
dont
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it's not
 worth
Conclusion
I still
belive
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believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the craps behind these
investment
Check wording
investments
show examples
 will bring the countries more than they spend on it.

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task response
You give a clear view: you do not agree that these events are a waste of money. Keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
Your main idea about tourism is useful. Explain it in a simple chain: the event brings world media, more people see the country, more people visit later, and the country gets more money.
task response
The other side is included, which is good. However, answer it more fully. Say why the cost can be a problem, then clearly show why the long-term good is still greater.
task response
Use examples with care. The Qatar World Cup is a strong example, but explain exactly how it helped travel or the country’s name. Do not make very strong claims unless you show why they are true.
task response
Your ending is not complete. Write a full final paragraph that repeats your view and gives the main reason in clear words.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for the good points, one paragraph for the other view and your answer, then a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. For example: “Hosting a world sports event can help a country’s tourism.”
coherence and cohesion
Make your long sentences shorter. Many ideas are joined in one sentence, so the meaning is hard to follow. Use full stops more often.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way: “First,” “For example,” “As a result,” “However,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use a link word unless the next idea really follows.
coherence and cohesion
Check the end of each paragraph. It should link back to the main point, not add a new idea.
task response
You state your own view in the introduction and keep the same main view through most of the essay.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question, not only one side.
task response
You give a real-world example about Qatar, which helps make your point less general.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and an attempt at a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “For example,” “Consequently,” and “On the other hand.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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