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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The increase in consumer goods production harms the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
As the number of consumers increases,
goods
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' production
procedures
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 damage the natural environment. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss the reasons why
industries
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 cause it to happen, and
also
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 give the solutions for reducing production's
pollution
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.
Body paragraph 1
The major reasons why producing
consumer
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goods
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 damages the natural environment are water and air
pollution
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, which are generated during the manufacturing processes
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apply
show examples
procedures
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. These
procedures
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 require many kinds of chemical materials and fuel for initial processing and energy resources. These kinds of manufacturers are noticeable in the plastic
industries
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, which supply the raw material for producing
consumer
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goods
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.
For example
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, one of the biggest chemical industry complexes in Taiwan, the Sixth Naphtha Cracking Complex, is the main source of air and water
pollution
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 in Taiwan's south-west region. Its nearby towns and cities' air quality numbers are always worst
then
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 other regions in the country.
In addition
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, those regions are known for '' green oyster'', which were polluted by the wastewater, especially mercury, generated from the complex.
Body paragraph 2
There are two solutions to reduce the
pollution
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 caused by chemical
industries
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.
First,
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reduce the need for new
goods
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; teach consumers to purchase new items only after the older ones are already broken. From my perspective, in order to lead the whole industry's change, it is much more important to change the
consumer
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's habits.
Second,
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companies should use more recycled or eco-friendly materials when they design their products.
For instance
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, clothes are usually made of nylon, which is made from fuel and other chemicals; companies should choose others eco friendly materials
such
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 as cotton or linen. In that case, chemical
industries
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 need to reduce the amount of material produced, which
also
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 reduces the total
pollution
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.
Conclusion
In summary, the production
procedures
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 of new
consumer
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goods
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 are the reasons that cause harm to the natural environment.
Thus
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, people and companies should learn new ways in order to reduce
pollution
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more clearly why people buy so many new goods, such as low prices, ads, and the wish to own new things. Then show how these causes lead to more factory work and more waste.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but the first body part is mostly about chemical plants. Add other kinds of harm, such as more rubbish, more use of water, and more fuel used to move goods.
task response
Make the second solution more complete. Explain what governments can do, for example make strong rules for dirty water and air, and ask firms to use clean power and reuse old materials.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: one paragraph for causes and one paragraph for solutions. Start each paragraph with one main idea, then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because words are repeated or put together in an unclear way. For example, use “manufacturing processes” rather than “manufacturing processes procedures”.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words. Use “because”, “therefore”, “as a result”, “for example”, and “however” only when they show the real link between two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from all consumer goods to one chemical plant. First explain the general cause, then use the Taiwan case as one short example.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions, and your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
The Taiwan example is clear and helps show how factory waste can harm air and water.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First”, “Second”, “For example”, and “In summary” helps the reader follow your main points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mass production
  • consumer demand
  • rising disposable income
  • impulse buying
  • online retailing
  • planned obsolescence
  • short product lifespan
  • raw material extraction
  • industrial emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • chemical waste
  • single-use packaging
  • landfill sites
  • renewable energy
  • recycled materials
  • environmental regulations
  • stricter emission limits
  • durable products
  • repair and reuse
  • responsible consumption
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