IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Green
areas
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 are becoming rare nowadays,
due to
Linking Words
 the population increase. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that park
areas
Use synonyms
 should be more useful, whether used to build more housing. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea,
once
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 the
world
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 environment is already suffering from deforestation.
Body paragraph 1
The overpopulation in some places
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 becoming a housing problem around the
world
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, putting pressure on governments to destroy parks to build more houses to meet demand.
However
Linking Words
, over the years, the desforestation on capital
cities
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 has increased the levels of pollution and
also
Linking Words
 global warming, creating other problems beyond housing. It is extremely important for
cities
Use synonyms
 having an preservantion not only for enjoyable moments but
also
Linking Words
 to protect wildlife. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is New York, the most bustling city in the
world
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, and still keeping Central Park, a huge public park where
people
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 go to have fun and
also
Linking Words
 preserve many wildlife
such
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 as birds, snakes and other animals that would be impossible to keep in a commercial city.
Body paragraph 2
Governments should invest more in the countryside to relocate
people
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 from big
cities
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. The levels of population has increase on capital
cities
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 owing to a lack of opportunities on remotes
areas
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. Big companies should be operated at countryside places, giving more balance to the economy and a reason for
people
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 not to move from their hometown.
Also
Linking Words
, an advertisement showing deforestation problems caused around the
world
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 might help
people
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 to understand the causes beyond destroying a green area.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, getting land from parks to make housing,
consequently
Linking Words
, might give more reasons for
people
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 to go to overcrowded places. Making the pollution levels increase and
also
Linking Words
 affecting the green environment. Companies in remote
areas
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 are a great solution to help the local economy and decrease the search for work in big
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that parks should be used for homes. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why homes cannot make up for the loss of parks. For example, say how parks help air, health, and city life.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic, but the second body part moves away from the main question. Moving people and jobs to the countryside is a useful idea, yet you should link it more clearly to keeping city parks.
task response
The New York example is useful and helps your point. Be careful with facts: Central Park has wildlife, but avoid saying that animals would be impossible to keep anywhere else in the city.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, after the first main point, you could write: “Another way to deal with the housing need is to reduce the number of people who must move to big cities.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is clear. This is especially helpful in the first body part and the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. Choose “parks” or “green areas” and use them often, rather than changing to less clear words such as “preservation” or “green environment.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear position from the start to the end.
task response
You give two useful reasons for keeping parks: they can reduce pollution and give a home to wildlife.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has its own focus, and the New York example is placed after the point it supports.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and gives a final answer to the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban landscape
  • green space
  • recreational opportunities
  • mental well-being
  • ecosystems
  • urban heat island effect
  • biodiversity
  • water management
  • housing shortages
  • residential development
  • accommodate
  • urban areas
  • population density
  • sustainable development
  • quality of life
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