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Band 7

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
The role of physical education within the
school
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 curriculum has long been a subject of debate.
While
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 some argue that sport should be a compulsory component of
school
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 life for all children, others contend that it ought to be entirely optional.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are valid arguments for making
school
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sports
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 optional. The primary reason is that academic subjects,
such
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 as mathematics and science, are often considered more critical for future university admissions and career paths. Forcing students to participate in physical activities can consume valuable study time, which could be better allocated to exam preparation.
Furthermore
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, not all youngsters possess a natural athletic inclination. Requiring non-sporty students to engage in rigorous physical training can lead to frustration and a lack of motivation, as they might prefer to focus on creative or intellectual pursuits.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, compulsory
sports
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 offer significant benefits that outweigh these drawbacks.
First,
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physical education plays a vital role in children’s physical development, combating sedentary lifestyles and health issues like obesity.
Additionally
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, team
sports
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such
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 as football or basketball foster essential life skills, including cooperation, discipline, and team building, which serve as excellent preparation for adulthood. Proponents
also
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 argue that a healthy body supports a healthy mind, meaning that regular physical activity can actually enhance students'
overall
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 academic focus and concentration.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 I understand the concern that
sports
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 can distract from academic priorities, I firmly believe that
sport
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sports
show examples
 should remain an essential part of
school
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 life. As long as schools provide a wide variety of activities to cater to different interests, the physical, mental, and social benefits of compulsory
sports
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 are invaluable for the holistic development of young people

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. You show both views and give your own clear view. To make the answer even stronger, add one real school example. For example, say how a choice of swimming, dance, or walking can help children who do not like team games.
task response
Your main point is clear: sport should be part of school life. You could explain more clearly that compulsory sport does not need to mean the same hard game for every child. This would answer the other view in a more full way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. The linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”, help the reader follow your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are well linked, but some long sentences could be split into two shorter ones. This would make the meaning easier to follow. For example, the sentence about children who do not like sport could first state the problem, then state what they may prefer instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more links that show cause and result, such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, or “This means that”. These can make the move from sport to health, focus, and school work even smoother.
task response
You discuss both sides fairly: study time and personal choice on one side, and health, social skills, and focus on the other.
task response
Your final view is direct and well supported by physical, mental, and social reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and develops it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion clearly, and the conclusion gives a clear final answer.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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