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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Football
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 is
one
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 of the most beloved sports in the whole world. Millions of
people
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 from all around the world gather themselves together on the stadiums annually.
However
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,
besides
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 being so popular, some individuals may argue that
football
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 often causes problems. There are different ways to approach
this
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 discussion.
Body paragraph 1
On the
one
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 hand, a tremendous number of
people
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 come together to enjoy the sport. Families organise
football
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 evenings, fathers meet their adult sons after a long working week
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 long-distance friends call each other again after months of no contact.
Moreover
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, there are whole stadiums filled with
people
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 from all around the earth, potentially finding a friend from another country with only
one
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 thing in common
,
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:
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football
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.
Therefore
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, some
people
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 may have an assertion that
football
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 brings
people
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 together and causes peace and friendships
alongside
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, alongside
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 lifelong relationships
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
on the other hand
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, some
people
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 are almost obsessed with the sport. In some families, fathers drink alcohol
while
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 watching
football
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 , which often leads to domestic violence.
Also
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, in the
football
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 fields,
people
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 are more likely to become aggressive
due to
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 the feeling of frustration after a lost game. Not rarely, the fans of
one
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 team violently attacked the supporters of another team , leading to huge conflicts and sometimes to arrests.
Conclusion
Overall
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, the
football
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 in
it's
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its
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 sense is nothing problematic,
while
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It's
Correct determiner usage
its
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 radicalisation may cause dramatic turning points.

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task response
You discuss both sides, but your own view is not clear enough. Say clearly if you think sport brings more good than harm, and explain why.
task response
Keep the topic wider than football. The question is about competitive sports, so add one short point about another sport, such as basketball or tennis.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more support. For example, explain how games can help people from different places talk, work, and feel part of one group.
task response
Be careful with the link between football and violence at home. This is a strong claim. Explain that alcohol and angry fans may add to the problem, rather than saying football itself causes it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first paragraph more direct. State both views and your own view in two clear sentences before you start the main body.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “For example”, “As a result”, “In contrast”, and “For this reason”. Do not use “Moreover” when you are only adding a new example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and need a full stop. For example, end the sentence after “football”, then start a new sentence with “This can lead to peace, friendship, and long-term ties.”
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph is too short and hard to understand. Write a full conclusion that sums up both sides and repeats your view in simple words.
task response
You give relevant examples of families, friends, stadiums, alcohol, anger, and fights between fans. These examples help show both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand” and “However, on the other hand” clearly shows the change from one view to the other.
coherence and cohesion
Each main body paragraph stays mostly focused on one main idea: people coming together, then problems between fans.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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