IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
There are many scholars who decide to take a GAP
year
Use synonyms
 in order to travel or gain some work experience before starting their bachelor's.
However
Linking Words
, there are individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who would argue that a job experience would be more beneficial for the
future
Use synonyms
 adult life. In my view, neither option is inherently superior, as the benefits of a gap
year
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 largely depend on an individual's long-term goals and personal circumstances.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I believe travelling to be a more appealing option for a free
year
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 after school, since a lot of older
people
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 state that
,
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apply
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 they regret not getting
this
Linking Words
 experience
while
Linking Words
 they were young, as now they either don't have the time, health or opportunity for it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even though many parents suggest travelling
to be
Wrong verb form
is
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 a waste of time, some, including myself, may disagree with that statement.
While
Linking Words
 visiting other countries, young
people
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 get to learn about new cultures, new nationalities, traditions, and to broaden their horizons. The adolescents
also
Linking Words
 gain new social and adaptive skills that may become crucial in the near
future
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, since
the
Verb problem
there are
show examples
 continuous rapid changes in our world. So, for the adventurous and curious
people
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,
this
Linking Words
 kind of gap
year
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 may become a great opportunity to contribute to their needs.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for more ambitious students, travelling may in fact become a missed chance to improve their CVs. Young
people
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, who are eager to achieve high goals or to become more professional in their
future
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 career, should
instead
Linking Words
 devote their free
year
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 to an internship,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Also
Linking Words
, scholars
,
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apply
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 who dream of getting into a top university could choose to use
this
Linking Words
 time for additional extracurriculars
,
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apply
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 to increase their chances of getting in.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, the way to utilise the
year
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 after school and before university strongly depends on one or another's personal
future
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 expectations and priorities.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct. You say that neither choice is better, but the question asks if work is more useful than travel. State clearly that you disagree, then keep this view clear in every part.
task response
Explain more fully why travel can help in adult life. For example, show how meeting new people, planning trips, and dealing with problems can help at work and in daily life.
task response
Add one clear real or possible example. A short example of a young person who travels and later uses these skills at university or work would make the ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. To make the flow better, link each paragraph more closely to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences, especially in the first body part, so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care: 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In contrast'. Do not repeat 'moreover', 'also', and 'since' too often.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part is not fully matched with your main answer. It says work may be better for some students, but explain why this does not mean work is more useful for adult life in general.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear personal view in the first paragraph.
task response
Your points about learning about other people and gaining social skills are relevant to adult life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses clear paragraphing and the ideas are put in a natural order.
coherence and cohesion
The ending brings the main idea back and gives the essay a clear close.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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