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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of both approaches. which do you think is a better approach?

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Introduction
There is no denying
in
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apply
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the fact that there is
huge
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a huge
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 discussion
between
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about
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 where
is
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apply
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the better working conditions, in self-employment or working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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company
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?
Whereas
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 I respectfully accept the advantages on both sides, in my point of view
working
Punctuation problem
, working
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 for the
company
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 is a more positive approach
due to
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 its stability and structured environment.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, self-employment gives
a
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apply
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complete autonomy and a potential for higher earnings.
In other words
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, entrepreneurs have
a
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full control over their projects, schedules and direction of their business, allowing for greater flexibility and to reap the rewards for their hard work.
In addition
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, the sense of accomplishment of building something from scratch could be truly fulfilling.
For instance
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, the freelance designer chooses their working hours and clients by themselves, potentially earning more money per hour than a person who works for the
company
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.
However
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,
this
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path
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also
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 leads to
the
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apply
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potential risks,
such
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 as inconsistent income, long working hours and the burden to manage all aspects of business by yourself.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider
,
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is that
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 working for the
company
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 provides benefits,
structured
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a structured
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path
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 and stable growth. It is possible to say that employees often prefer stable salaries, health insurance,
paid
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and paid
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 retirements, which
offers
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offer
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 a strong sense of financial security and work-life balance.
Moreover
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, companies typically provide clear career
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path
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paths
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, training programs,
collaborative
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and collaborative
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 environments where individuals can learn from their colleagues and advance
from professionals
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professionally
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.
For example
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, a software engineer at a large tech
company
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 can have access to a predictable income
path
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, a team to share responsibility with and opportunities for promotion within the
company
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.
While
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 there might be less autonomy,
stable
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a stable
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 environment would be more appealing.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people
have
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having
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 different views, I believe that
while
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 self-employment offers freedom in business management, the stability, benefits and structured career paths make it
more
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a more
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 advantageous and sustainable choice for the majority.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more even way. You explain both choices, but give more detail about why company work is better for most people.
task response
Make your main view more exact. Say who may do best in self-employment, and who may do best in a company. This will make your view more complete.
task response
Some ideas need clearer support. For example, explain how a fixed pay and health care can help a worker plan family life and future costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, self-employment, company work, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, use “On the other hand” at the start of the company-work paragraph to show the change in focus.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hold many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “working for the company”. You can also say “company work”, “a paid job”, or “being an employee”.
task response
You discuss the good and bad sides of self-employment and company work, and you clearly give your own view.
task response
Your examples of a freelance designer and a software engineer are useful and fit your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear main idea and stays on one topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and gives the key reasons: stability, benefits, and a clear career path.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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