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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should use the money to provide faster means of public transport, while others are concerned that there are many more important priorities than public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, public
transport
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important parts of the
city
Use synonyms
's infrastructure.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that the local government should spend money on it to make it more convenient, there are
also
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 individuals who have a belief that there are many more important spheres that require government finances.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe both views and provide the opinion that, despite the fact that public
transport
Use synonyms
 is an important part of the
city
Use synonyms
's life, the biggest part of the government's
budget
Use synonyms
 should go into
health
Use synonyms
 and education.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, highly developed public
transport
Use synonyms
 helps to attract tourists and provides easier ways for locals to get to their destination throughout the
city
Use synonyms
. It is important as tourists spend money inside the local cafes and shops
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 increase the
city
Use synonyms
budget
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as a result
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.
For example
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, many European capitals have special offers for visitors, which make their trips on public
transport
Use synonyms
 inside cities
chipper
Use the right word
cheaper
show examples
.
However
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,
such
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 policies can
also
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 be not very helpful, as tourists enjoy sightseeing or moving by taxi.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the funding of the
health
Use synonyms
 and education spheres leads to long-term consequences for the
city
Use synonyms
's development. When enough money
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 spent on the schools and hospitals, the citizens become healthy and well-educated, which leads to the development of the
city
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's
economics
Check wording
economy
show examples
.
For instance
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, German cities spend almost all their
budget
Use synonyms
 on the
health
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 sphere development, and people come from all around the world there, increasing
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 and
country's
Add an article
the country's
show examples
budget
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, most of the German towns are well-developed and comfy for life.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 I understand the importance of public
transport
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 funding, I believe that
health
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 and education should be
prioritiezed
Correct your spelling
prioritised
. A lot of people have their own
transport
Use synonyms
, whilst hospitals, schools and universities still lack the required funding, which results badly for the locals.

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Task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why health and education should get more money than faster transport. Compare the results of each choice for people in the city.
Task response
Some examples are too wide or not well proved. For example, the point about German cities spending almost all their money on health does not sound true and does not include education. Use a clear, likely example, or explain the example in more detail.
Task response
Your first main paragraph says fast public transport can bring tourists, but then says tourists may walk or take taxis. This weakens your own point. Instead, explain when fast public transport is most useful, such as for workers, students, and people who cannot drive.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between each main idea and your final view more direct.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea, then add two linked reasons or one reason and one example. In the public transport paragraph, move from tourists to local people in a smoother way, or choose only one main group.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “For example” is used well, but words like “however” should show a clear opposite idea. Here, the taxi point makes the paragraph less clear. Add links such as “This is because” and “As a result” to show cause and result.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state that health and education should come first.
Task response
Your ideas are on topic. You show how transport may help city life and how schools and hospitals may help people over time.
Coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph plan is easy to follow, and the opening and ending clearly show your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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