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Writing Samples
Band 3

number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the USA, 1960-2020

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Introduction
The line graph illustrates the information about the number of occupations in four different parts of the economy in the US, from 1960 to 2020. Measuring units are given in millions.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, the retail and agriculture sectors experienced a dramatic increase,
whereas
Linking Words
 the manufacturing and
healthcare
Use synonyms
sections
Check wording
sectors
show examples
 showed a considerable decline throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Looking at the details, the manufacturing sector was the most popular job in 1960, with a figure of 15
million
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 sector peaked at 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980, just before experiencing a noticeable drop by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the retail and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 sections showed the same numbers, standing at about 6
million
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 section faced a gradual fall as well.
Conclusion
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 occupation was the least popular section, with a figure of approximately 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 1960. By the end of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 sector shared the same
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of jobs
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 retailers. These two job sections showed the ultimate climb in 2020, just standing at around 16
million
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Check the main trends before you write. Your overview says retail and agriculture went up, but later you say healthcare and retail went up. This makes the report hard to trust.
task response
Describe all four areas in a clear way. Agriculture is named in the overview but is not explained in the body. Give its start, key change, and end.
task response
Use the right names for the four areas all the way through. In one part, healthcare is said to start at about 6 million, but later it is said to start at about 3 million.
task response
Do not say two areas had the same number at the end unless the graph shows this. State the correct end values for each area and compare them.
coherence and cohesion
Your report has a good order: opening, overview, then detail. Make each body part focus on the same two areas from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Group areas by similar change, such as the two that rose and the two that fell. Then use clear links such as "while", "by contrast", and "at the same time".
coherence and cohesion
Avoid changing the meaning of a word. "Jobs", "work", and "areas" are clear, but "occupation" and "section" are less clear here. Use "sector" or "jobs" more often.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short final overview sentence that clearly states which sector ended highest and which ended lowest, if this is shown in the graph.
task response
You give an overview and try to compare changes over time, rather than list every point.
task response
You use some useful data, such as 15 million in 1960 and 20 million in 1980.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the graph shows and gives the time period and unit.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, including "Overall", "Additionally", and "By contrast".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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