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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches Which is a better approach?

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Introduction
In the broader contemporary job market, individuals often need to choose whether
they pursuing
Wrong verb form
to pursue
show examples
 working for
companies
Use synonyms
 or
institutions
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
self
Correct your spelling
self-employment
employment
Use synonyms
. Working for
companies
Use synonyms
 sometimes
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 benefits in terms of financial security and
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
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 to advance
their
Fix the agreement mistake
one's
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 career.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 creates difficulties concerning
flexibility
Use synonyms
 and
self
Use synonyms
-management. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
self
Correct your spelling
self-employment
employment
Use synonyms
 provides more options for them to develop their
companies
Use synonyms
 or to run their businesses. I believe that
self
Use synonyms
-
employment
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 creates more
opportuity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 in recent job market conditions
due to
Linking Words
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
flexibility
Use synonyms
 offers, yet the approach of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon should be scrutiny more detail and comprehensively to decide what is a better approach for it.
Body paragraph 1
The main drawback of
Use synonyms
self
Correct your spelling
self-employment
employment
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes
should
Verb problem
have to
show examples
 build and develop their
Use synonyms
company
Correct word choice
own company
show examples
 in most
aspect
Check wording
aspects
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,
such
Linking Words
 as searching for
sponsor
Add an article
a sponsor
show examples
, in line with strict
regulation
Check wording
regulations
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,
as well as
Linking Words
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their human resources
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
.
This
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 can occur especially when they are running their
institutions
Use synonyms
 from
initiation
Check wording
the beginning
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if they want to run a food stall, they should
accomplish
Verb problem
obtain
show examples
 their permit,
strategize
Change the spelling
strategise
show examples
 their marketing, find a fit supplier, and
also
Linking Words
 choose the optimal location. If they have never
been running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 a business, it would be difficult and potentially create more complicated problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their cash flow and financial conditions, particularly when it is supported by
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 capital of their family.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, those problems will be minimised when they choose to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
companies
Use synonyms
 or
institutions
Use synonyms
. Their employers
also
Linking Words
 provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial security, and even
pension
Add an article
a pension
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 fund and health insurance for certain
companies
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. It will encourage
people
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 to apply for
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
 in the
institutions
Use synonyms
 rather than develop their own
businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
.
Body paragraph 2
The principal advantage,
however
Linking Words
, is that
Use synonyms
self
Correct your spelling
self-employment
employment
Use synonyms
 can provide more
flexibility
Use synonyms
 to run their businesses or
companies
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 an opportunity to expand their
company
Use synonyms
 based on their own goal and culture. By owning their
company
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,
people
Use synonyms
enables
Wrong verb form
are enabled
show examples
 to determine their direction, vision and mission as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
businessess is
Rephrase
businesses are
 running very well with significant
progression
Check wording
progress
show examples
 during
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 time, it will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their financial and cash flows, so they can expand their
company
Use synonyms
 more quickly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not dependent on
company
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 regulations and
procedures
Punctuation problem
procedures,
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 so it
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
more freely
Replace the word
freer
 to explore the process and outcomes.
Conclusion
On balance, the benefits of
Use synonyms
self
Correct your spelling
self-employment
employment
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 outweigh its drawbacks, chiefly because of its
flexibility
Use synonyms
 and
cab
Use the right word
can
show examples
 be fully controlled.
Although
Linking Words
 working for
companies
Use synonyms
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 financial security,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
people
Use synonyms
 can
optimize
Change the spelling
optimise
show examples
 their own
company
Use synonyms
, they will achieve their goals more quickly with huge achievements.

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Task response
Answer all parts in a more even way. You explain why being self-employed can be hard and why it can be good, but the good points of working for a company need more detail. Add points such as team help, training, clear work hours, and less risk.
Task response
Make your final choice more clear. You say self-employment is better, but also say people should look at the matter more closely. State that the best choice depends on the person, then say why self-employment is your choice.
Task response
Use examples that clearly prove each main point. The food stall example is useful. Explain more directly how the cost, rules, and lack of business skill may lead to loss of money.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part follow one simple order: main idea, reason, example, result.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, the first body part moves from the problems of self-employment to the good sides of company work. This is fine, but use a clear link such as: "By contrast, company workers have less of this risk."
Coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long sentences. Shorter sentences will make your meaning easier to follow. For example: "Self-employment gives people more control. They can choose their goals and work style. However, they must also deal with all costs and risks."
Coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and keep them the same. Write "self-employment", "working for a company", and "businesses". This will make the essay look more clear and well planned.
Task response
You discuss both ways of working and give a clear personal view in the ending.
Task response
The food stall example is real and easy to understand. It helps show the risks of starting a business.
Coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to find: risk and safety on one side, then freedom and control on the other.
Coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as "For example", "Consequently", "Furthermore", and "On balance" to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • benefits
  • career progression
  • flexible schedule
  • financial planning
  • entrepreneurial
  • job security
  • networking opportunities
  • work-life balance
  • unpredictable income
  • self-discipline
  • risk tolerance
  • employee benefits
  • corporate ladder
  • professional development
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