IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the increased global demands in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
More and more people think that searching for other possible areas to find multiple sources of
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas is a solution to the high level of demand,
while
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 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
due to
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 its impact on prices. From my perspective, I partially agree with the former statement for one reason.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that
this
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 proposal can affect global
energy
Use synonyms
 demands in a positive way. The argument is that there are many poor and undiscovered countries,
such
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 as Nigeria and Mali, and the economy of these countries will improve if people find the needed resources.
This
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 idea is likely to reduce demand for
oil
Use synonyms
 and decrease poverty rates around the world. A study conducted by the Department of Economics at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that people consumed only 20% of the
energy
Use synonyms
 of the earth,
such
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 as gas and
oil
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.
Therefore
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, there is a great chance to implement
this
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 proposal and achieve the objective.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, control over production is an essential step to avoid the different negative impacts on pricing. What I mean is that if each country wants to enhance its income by increasing its production, the
energy
Use synonyms
 price will drop rapidly. So the global agreement among producers is crucial to control the daily
energy
Use synonyms
 prices.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
oil
Use synonyms
 price on 11 November is $2.9 per gallon, and all producers around the world must sell at
this
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 price.
As a result
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, the threat is likely to be eliminated if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some individuals believe that discovering new areas can enhance the economy of several countries and reduce the demand,
while
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 another group is afraid of the loss of control over production.

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task response
Make your view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but the reason for this is not fully shown. State what you support and what you do not support.
task response
Answer the main point more directly: should new, unknown places be opened for oil and gas? Discuss both more supply and the harm to land, water, animals, and people.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear link. Finding oil may help a poor country earn more money, but it does not by itself reduce world demand. Explain this difference.
task response
Be careful with facts. The study and the oil price do not strongly prove your ideas, and the date is not clear. Use simple, believable examples instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two body parts, and end. Keep this shape, but make the end clearly restate your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between paragraphs stronger. The second body part is about price control, but it needs a clearer link to opening new areas for oil and gas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words with care. Phrases such as “First of all”, “Conversely”, and “As a result” are useful, but each following sentence must match the link word.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this proposal”, “that method”, and “the threat”. Name the exact idea again so the reader can follow you easily.
task response
You give a clear main position and try to show both the good side and the possible problem.
task response
You use examples about poor countries and oil prices to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has separate paragraphs for different ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use an opening sentence in each body paragraph to show the main point.
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