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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that
people
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 are
now
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apply
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living longer than in the past.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the ageing population creates issues for governments, there is
also
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 an argument that there are benefits if the community has more elderly
people
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both views and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, one of the most important factors that makes
people
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 live longer than ever before is the quality of food. In present, in many countries, there is no monitor for the health life-style in public
individuals
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apply
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,
in other words
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,
people
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 prefer fast food than the others.
In addition
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, most of the restaurants provide a voucher for students.
For example
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, in the
UK
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UK,
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 there is an increase in sales of fast food restaurants because many adults take their lunch near their university.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the advantages of society having more elderly
people
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,
Verb problem
are that
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 many neighbours might be
quiet
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quieter
, elderly
people
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 will take care of a lot of things ,
such
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 as flowers, gardens, and make life healthier. It is possible to say that the old generation can arrange the places after being messy.
Moreover
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, they will share a beneficial habit with the young.
For instance
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, a study conducted in Canada found that the healthiest community has more elderly
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that having elderly
people
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 in our society is something like children have their mother, and they always make a difference.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly if the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
Write about the real problems of an ageing population, such as more money for health care, care homes, and old-age pay. Your first body paragraph talks about fast food, so it does not answer the question.
task response
Explain each main idea in more detail. For example, older people can help with child care, pass on work skills, and support family life. Then explain why these points matter.
task response
Use examples that fit your point. The example about fast-food sales near a university is not about older people or government problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, problems, benefits, and conclusion. In each body paragraph, start with one main idea and then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body paragraph match its opening sentence. It starts with people living longer because of food, but then moves to unhealthy fast food and student vouchers. Keep all sentences on one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as "First", "However", "For example", "As a result", and "In conclusion". Make sure the link shows the true relation between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion short and clear. State your final view again and give the main reason. Do not use an unclear comparison such as elderly people being like a mother.
task response
You discuss both the problems and the good points of an ageing population.
task response
You give a clear personal view in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as "On one hand", "On the other hand", "Moreover", and "In conclusion".
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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