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Writing Samples
Band 3

With the increased global demands in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
Whether new
areas
Use synonyms
 should be opened in order to increase the extraction of
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas or not is an often-debated topic. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 approach because of its negative effects on the environment and ecosystem.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, having access to untouched
areas
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 for
oil
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 and gas extraction could help in economic growth. As the world's population continues to grow, demand for non-renewable energy is increasing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, meeting those requirements could help prevent energy shortages, particularly in developing countries.
In addition
Linking Words
, it encourages the government to create more job opportunities.
As it
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 increases the need for engineers and construction workers to construct
oil
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 extraction facilities.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, opening new
areas
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 for fossil fuels has a lot of negative effects on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 because some of the regions include forests and natural habitats.
Therefore
Linking Words
, accessing those
areas
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 results in deforestation and water contamination.
Instead
Linking Words
 of destroying wildlife, the government should focus on more sustainable development.
For example
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-
Punctuation problem
,
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Government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should encourage people to invest in renewable energy.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
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 discovering
areas
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 for
theextraction
Correct your spelling
the extraction
 of
oil
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 and gas creates more jobs and helps in economic growth, Environmental causes outweigh those advantages.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree. However, the first main part gives reasons for opening new areas, while the second gives only one main reason against it. To fully support your view, add another clear reason against this plan, such as oil spills, climate change, or the fact that oil and gas will run out.
task response
Develop each point more. Explain how cutting down forests and dirty water can harm animals, people, and future food or water supplies. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Use a real or more detailed example. For example, explain how a new oil site near a forest could destroy animal homes and pollute a nearby river. The current example about renewable energy is too general.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first main part clearly a short opposite view before you explain why you reject it.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. For example: “Although new oil sites may create jobs, these gains are short term. By contrast, harm to forests and water can last for many years.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are joined in an unclear way. For example, change “As it increases the need...” to “This increases the need for engineers and construction workers.” Also write “the environment” and “oil extraction” with a space.
task response
You answer the question directly and state your view in the opening and again in the ending.
task response
You include both sides of the issue: jobs and growth on one side, and harm to nature on the other.
coherence and cohesion
Your main parts are easy to follow, and words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “To conclude” help show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending matches your main view and brings the essay to a clear close.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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