IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of second language classes taken by Australian secondary school students in two different cities in 2017.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The charts below show the percentage of second language classes taken by Australian secondary school students in two different cities in 2017.
The two pie charts compare the percentage of five second language classes in Australian
school
Check wording
schools
show examples
 in two particular cities
Melbourne
Punctuation problem
, Melbourne
show examples
 and Sydney.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest proportion for both cities belongs to Mandarin,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by Japanese
as a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 second position. Yet the
Italian, Indonesian
Correct word order
Italians, Indonesians,
show examples
 and others vary in numbers
according to
Linking Words
 the city.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is apparent that in Melbourne
the
Rephrase
,
 Mandarin represents the greatest number
40
Punctuation problem
, 40
show examples
%. Following
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the Japanese language
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 25%,
while
Linking Words
 Italian with 15%.
As a result
Linking Words
, the Indonesian and other groups account for
identical
Add an article
an identical
show examples
 10%, the joint lowest figure for
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 city schools.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sydney
becomes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the greatest number in both charts
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 45%,
whereas
Linking Words
 Japanese stood 30% it makes it second biggest number.
However
Linking Words
, Italian and Indonesian language groups share the same position on the pie chart with 5%,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are
smallest
Add an article
the smallest
show examples
 pies on
this
Linking Words
 image. The other languages equal to 15%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: