IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities ,which are played alone .To what exteny do you agree or disagree .

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
teamwork
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 can enhance the chances of accomplishing goals that solo
activities
Use synonyms
 cannot achieve. From my perspective, I totally agree that
teamwork
Use synonyms
 tasks are significantly better than solo
activities
Use synonyms
 in many aspects of life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why developing these
skills
Use synonyms
 is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
crucial.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, working in a team is absolutely essential to finish the maximum amount of
work
Use synonyms
 in less time, which is very beneficial for boosting
overall
Linking Words
 productivity.
In addition
Linking Words
, group
activities
Use synonyms
 teach people how to solve disagreements calmly and make decisions together.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it aids
individuals
Use synonyms
 in building leadership
skills
Use synonyms
 and communicating confidently in the workplace.
Finally
Linking Words
,
teamwork
Use synonyms
 makes
individuals
Use synonyms
 more flexible and more capable at
work
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, these
skills
Use synonyms
 are not only effective at
work
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
 help people in their daily lives to communicate with society better.
For instance
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who surround themselves with a good group are more capable of being accepted and able to make new friendships, which is helpful to reach places they have not thought about.
As a result
Linking Words
, learning how to
work
Use synonyms
 with others makes it much easier to connect with society.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 working alone has its place, I strongly believe that
teamwork
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 are far more beneficial. Working in groups not only increases productivity and builds leadership at
work
Use synonyms
, but it
also
Linking Words
 helps
individuals
Use synonyms
 make friendships and succeed in their daily lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone should focus on developing these collaborative
skills
Use synonyms
 to achieve greater personal and professional success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Your view is clear: you agree that team work teaches more skills for life. However, explain more directly why these skills are better learned in a team than alone. For example, a person working alone cannot practise dealing with different views or sharing a plan.
Task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and one real example. The part about making friends is too general. You could describe a school project where students learn to listen, share jobs, and solve a problem together.
Task response
The essay talks about work and daily life, which is relevant. Still, some ideas repeat, such as communication and success. Add other life skills, like patience, trust, taking turns, and helping others.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part state one main idea. Then explain it before adding more ideas. In the first body part, there are many points in one paragraph, so none of them is fully explained.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'For instance', and 'As a result' help, but the link between some sentences is not fully clear. Make sure each sentence grows from the one before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as 'these skills' when several skills have been named. Name the skill again when needed, for example, 'communication skills' or 'leadership skills'.
Task response
You answer the question and keep the main focus on the value of team activities.
Task response
You give useful areas for discussion, including work, decision making, leadership, and social life.
Coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is stated early and remains the same from start to finish.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly brings back the main ideas and ends the essay well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • cooperate with others
  • a common goal
  • shared responsibility
  • mutual support
  • resolve conflicts
  • make collective decisions
  • leadership qualities
  • build confidence
  • social interaction
  • different personalities
  • self-discipline
  • personal responsibility
  • independent thinking
  • time management
  • stay motivated
  • cope with failure
  • personal development
  • a wider range of skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: