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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
art
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classes
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 are important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
art
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classes
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 should be a compulsory subject in high school, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes
this
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 view. In my opinion, I consider that craft collection should be an optional
liable
Replace the word
liability
 because not everyone is passionate about
art
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I totally disagree with the idea that
artistry
Add an article
an artistry
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 degree should be taught in
high
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a high
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department
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school
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 as a compulsory
liable
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subject
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.
Art
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 is a significant prone for a pupil's development, but we cannot compare its importance to other subjects.
facility degree
Rephrase
Facility degrees
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as painting and
drawing
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drawing,
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 should be optional
classes
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 in all the schools, and that returns to many reasons. Not every learner prefers
art
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,
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;
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 some of them are great in science or sports. So, if they spend time in something that they do not like, it is going to be a huge waste of time.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, some students will hate
institute
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the institute
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,
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apply
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 if they are being forced to learn
aptitude
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an aptitude
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while
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 they are interested in learning other
schedule
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subjects
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.
Moreover
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,
art
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 needs passion that leads a student to be a great and successful artist. If passion does not exist,
then
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 the scholar will not succeed in expertise style. Another point to consider is that a disciple preferences are very vital in his/her education performance. So, every seminary should give a list of
program
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programs
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 of studies that a docent can choose from,
besides
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 the compulsory schedule
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such
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, such
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 as painting, dancing, and acting.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
art
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classes
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 should not be compulsory.

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task response
State your view in a clear way. Say that art should be optional, not required, because students have different skills and goals.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, explain how time spent on art may take time from science, sport, or other subjects a student needs.
task response
Add one clear example. You could describe a student who wants to study science and would do better with an art choice class.
task response
Be careful with words that change the meaning. Painting and drawing are art classes, not required classes. Your last body paragraph says they are part of the required plan, which does not match your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but some ideas in the second body paragraph are not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea, then explain it. Keep all sentences in that paragraph linked to the same idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “Therefore” in a natural way. Do not join too many ideas in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words throughout. Write “students”, “schools”, and “art classes” instead of changing them to unclear words such as “pupil”, “scholar”, “seminary”, or “docent”.
coherence and cohesion
Some word choices make the meaning hard to follow, such as “craft collection”, “optional liable”, and “high department”. Use simple, direct phrases: “art classes”, “optional subjects”, and “high school”.
task response
You give a clear overall view that art classes should not be required for every student.
task response
You include relevant reasons: students have different interests, and art needs real interest.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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