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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, an increasing number of tourists are visiting small towns and rural areas rather than major cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been a growing shift among
tourist
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tourists
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 toward small towns and villages. The significant benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend are
villages
Correct word choice
that villages
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 are calm, and they are cheaper than big
cities
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
Linking Words
, countrysides are lacking
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 and public services.
Body paragraph 1
One prime merit of
this
Linking Words
 shift is that people want to take a break from crowded areas.
This
Linking Words
 is because villages have
more calm
Correct word choice
a calmer
show examples
 vibe and they help
tourists
Use synonyms
 to feel relaxed.
In other words
Linking Words
, major
cities
Use synonyms
 are full of nosies, which may make individuals more stressed. When a visitor goes to a small town, he is more likely to get rid of negative thoughts. Another main benefit is that rural areas are cheaper.
This
Linking Words
 means that capitals and big
cities
Use synonyms
 are more expensive because of the massive number of people and visitors, which makes the affordability for rental and food
demanding
Rephrase
more demanding
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. To give a clear example, a recent study in New York City indicates the average cost for a small room per night is 400 dollars,
while
Linking Words
 the average in Utah City is
aound
Correct your spelling
around
 50 dollars.
Body paragraph 2
Countrysides
Rephrase
The countryside's
 lack of
activities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because big
cities
Use synonyms
 are famous
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the variety of
activities
Use synonyms
, which makes visiting them
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more attractive for
tourists
Use synonyms
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than small towns.
In other words
Linking Words
, numerous people are visiting foreign nations looking for
activities
Use synonyms
 and festivals, which are more liked by
tourists
Use synonyms
. Another disadvantage is the lack of public services. Unlike major
cities
Use synonyms
, rural areas
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mostly lack hospitals and supermarkets, which makes visiting them more difficult
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 for families.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many families travel with their children,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 visiting major
cities
Use synonyms
 is better because of the need for medical care.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to
countrysides
Rephrase
the countryside
 may be
more calm
Replace the word
calmer
 and less expensive, major
cities
Use synonyms
 have more
activities
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and provide
tourists
Use synonyms
 with better public services.

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Task response
You answer both parts: good points and bad points. Your main ideas are clear: quiet places and lower cost are good, while fewer things to do and fewer services are bad. To improve, explain each point more fully and show how it affects both tourists and local people.
Task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, say why rural trips can help local shops, jobs, and small hotels. Also explain that more visitors may harm quiet life, roads, or nature. This will make your answer more full.
Task response
Your New York example has numbers, but it may not feel real or well linked. Use a simple, more general example if you cannot give a sure fact, such as a family paying less for a room and meals in a small town.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body part, make one paragraph for things to do and one for public services, or link them more clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more smoothly. You use “This is because” and “In other words” many times. Try words such as “Also”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand” to show the next step in your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links inside sentences clearer. For example, change “This means that capitals and big cities are more expensive” to “As a result, a stay in a capital city can cost much more.” This helps the reader follow your point.
Task response
You stay on the topic and give both advantages and disadvantages.
Task response
The ideas about peace, lower cost, activities, and services are relevant and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening paragraph tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending brings the main good and bad points together clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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