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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of the world, there is a growing effort to revive and maintain traditional customs and ways of life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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Introduction
Hardly
we can
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can we
show examples
 imagine our lives without
such
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 holidays as Christmas and New
Years
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Year's
show examples
.
However
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, with surging
globalization
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globalisation,
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 there is a great threat to native traditions of
ones
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one's
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 culture. An effort has been made by
diffrent
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different
nations
Use synonyms
 to preserve traditional ways of life, celebrations and other
costumes
Use the right word
customs
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, the keeping of old customs has its
bennefits
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benefits
 and drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
perseving
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preserving
 original
countries
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countries'
show examples
 traditions helps the future generations to appreciate their
nation
Use synonyms
 and ancestors more. In
schools
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schools,
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 the youth is
tought
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taught
 the history of the
nation
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
that is
Linking Words
 not nearly
enought
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enough
 for the new generation to develop
gratefullness
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gratefulness
. Celebrations make individuals encounter what the
nation
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 was
shapped
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shaped
show examples
 by.
Therefore
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, they become more involved, not only
,
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apply
show examples
 in
counties
Rephrase
their country's
 history, but
also
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 feel more love for their
Use synonyms
nations
Check wording
nation's
show examples
 people. A great example of
such
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 preserved custom is "Jonines" in Lithuania. The youth is drawn to
the
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apply
show examples
nature by the
joyfull
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joyful
 celebration and gets to learn about pagan gods
as well as
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 spend time in the
surounding
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surroundings
 of their extended family.
Thus
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, youngsters get an
opportuniety
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opportunity
 to explore their native identity and develop
appreciation
Add an article
an appreciation
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 for the place they have grown up in.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some of the original customs are cruel and cannot coexist with the modern ways of life. Reviving
such
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 traditions would
,
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apply
show examples
 not only
,
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apply
show examples
 show
of
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apply
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the country as
intolerent
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intolerant
, but
also
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 offend other cultures.
Conciquently
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Consequently
, earning a bad reputation for the
nation
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 worldwide.
For example
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, in the Netherlands
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 Christmas
traditionaly
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traditionally
 Santa comes with two helpers whose faces are colored in black paint.
Such
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 action is associated with intolerance towards African
nations
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, the
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
 of
this
Linking Words
 custom should not be promoted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society.
As a result
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, restoring native ways of life can be
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 to
Use synonyms
nations
Rephrase
a nation's
 reputation and be offensive towards others.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, it remains a great topic for debate
,
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:
show examples
 should all the customs be maintained or restored
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
However
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, in my humble
opionion
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opinion
 it depends on the tradition itself. There is no place for intolerance and abuse in
the
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apply
show examples
modern society, but the pleasing celebrations are important for preserving
Use synonyms
nations
Rephrase
a nation's
 identity.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question. You show one good side and one bad side, and your own view is clear at the end. To make the answer stronger, add one more clear point on each side. For example, old customs can help local work and travel, while some customs can cost a lot of money or stop change.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more full support. In the first body paragraph, explain more clearly why learning about old gods and family time helps young people value their country. In the second, explain why one harmful custom can hurt the image of a whole country.
Task response
The examples are on topic and useful. The example from Lithuania works well because it shows a living custom. The Netherlands example also fits, but be careful to describe the issue in a fair and exact way. Focus on how people may feel hurt, rather than making a wide claim about a whole country.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, good side, bad side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this shape in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Most linking words are used well, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “For example”. Do not use too many result links in one paragraph. Choose one clear link, then give the reason and example.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not natural. For example, write “It can make the country seem intolerant” instead of “show of the country as intolerent.” Shorter sentences will make your ideas clearer.
Coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words through the essay. You move between “customs”, “traditions”, “ways of life”, and “celebrations”. These words are close in meaning, but choose “traditional customs” as the main term and use the others only when needed.
Task response
You give a direct answer to the topic and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
Task response
Your examples are real and closely linked to your points.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader understand your argument.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main question and gives a clear final view.
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