IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Introduction
In the age of technological
development
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development,
show examples
 many new products are created.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
invtentions
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interventions
 need to be tested. One of the ways of experimenting with products is animal testing.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 arguments can be made to support product
trial
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trials
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 on animals, I stand by the opinion that
such
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 actions cannot be agreed on.
Moreover
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, in our age there are imense amount of ways to complete experiments without involving any living species.
Body paragraph 1
Some might argue that animal testing is the most accurate way to
try
Verb problem
test
show examples
 inventions.
Hence
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,
that is
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 the best way. To some
extent
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extent,
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 it is a
corect
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correct
 statement.
Nevertheless
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, it does not
outweight
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outweigh
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 the cruelty of
such
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 actions. Animals are
also
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 living species, same to humen
and
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, and
show examples
 just because our development is more progressive than
theirs
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theirs,
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 we should not disrespect the weaker ones.
For example
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, if the tests on people during the
holocaus
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Holocaust
 are
precieved
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perceived
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 as a crime against humanity (which is completely valid), why would the same tests on smaller living organisms be praised?
However
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,
that is
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 the reality we live in. In spite of the benefits to our society's
development
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development,
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 we should first of all think about the effects that our actions leave on the
surounding
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surrounding
 world.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, alternative testing ways
exists
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exist
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. Thanks to our technological advancement
many
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, many
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 parts of not only animal, but human bodies can be
artificialy
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artificially
 recreated, providing scientists with
same
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the same
show examples
recources
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resources
 for experimentation. The make-up industry has faced a number of accusations in
the reacent
Rephrase
recent
 years. Companies have been
testified for
Verb problem
accused of
show examples
 animal cruelty.
Consequently
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, many of them
swiched
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switched
show examples
 to alternatives
such
Linking Words
 as lab-produced skin.
Similarly
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, doctors began genetic testing on
atificialy
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artificially
 grown cells.
Such
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inovations
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innovations
 not only save
lives
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the lives
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 of
inicent
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innocent
 animals, but urge specialists to develop new technologies, like lab-made cells, which are beneficial in other industries.
Conclusion
To
concluse
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conclude
, animal-testing cannot be justified, the main reason being that they are the same living
organizmes
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organisms
 as
humen
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humans
 and we need to take care of what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature created rather
that
Use the right word
than
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 destroying it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a surging number of lab-produced alternatives that can provide
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 results in extensive
reaserch
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research
.

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Task response
Answer both questions more fully. Your view is clear: animal tests should not be used, and other ways are possible. But explain more clearly when, if ever, a test may save human lives, and why other ways can give safe results.
Task response
Make your main ideas more exact. The point that animals are living things is strong, but the link to the Holocaust is too strong and may seem unfair. Use a closer example, such as pain, death, and poor living conditions for animals.
Task response
Develop the alternatives with more detail. Say how lab-grown skin, cells, computer models, or tests with human volunteers can be used, and also note that some may not yet fully copy a whole body.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the first body part focus only on whether animal tests can be right.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, after saying that animal tests may be accurate, explain why accuracy alone is not enough before moving to the harm caused.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make your ideas easier to read and will help each point stand out.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as “development”, “actions”, and “living species”. Use more direct words such as “medical tests”, “animal pain”, and “other test methods”.
Task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
Task response
You answer the second question by giving real examples of other test methods, such as lab-made skin and grown cells.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main topic, and the ending sums up your view and the other options.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “Moreover”, “For example”, and “Consequently” help show the link between many of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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