After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

6.0 / 9

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Introduction

Every graduate's dream is to find a job immediately after they leave college. Those job seekers struggle with two options. One of those options is either following their dream of a profession they really love;

otherwise

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, the second option would be to find jobs that bring them fortune despite their passion. Personally, I believe that both criteria should be given equal consideration.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with, there are many reasons why fresh graduates prefer to have a

career

Use synonyms

they enjoy.

This

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is based on the grounds that they want to continue their work in something they are really good at.

For instance

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, staff members who are passionate about what they do

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

have a higher possibility of being creative workers.

Moreover

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, if they encounter issues in their

career

Use synonyms

, they can turn them into opportunities.

As a result

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, they can grow mentally and professionally.

Body paragraph 2

On the contrary

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, those who lean towards finding a

career

Use synonyms

with a higher income

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

have their own perspectives as well.

This

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is because

such

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jobs give them financial independence.

In addition

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, those staff can provide for their families and have the ability to contribute to their community.

Furthermore

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, the majority of these jobs offer many benefits

such

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as free flight tickets abroad, professional development, and children's educational allowance.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I believe young people should generally choose careers that they find interesting and rewarding rather than simply pursuing the largest possible salary at the beginning of their

career

Use synonyms

journey.

Then

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, as they grow more in their work, personal

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

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and financial upgrade will follow.

iabdolelah

Nov 14, 2026

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task response

Make your view fully clear from the start. You say both pay and love need the same care, but the end says young people should choose work they like. Choose one main view and keep it through the whole essay.

task response

Give more detail for each main point. For example, explain how a job a person loves can help them stay in the job, learn more, and do better work over time.

task response

Use a real or clear made-up example. For instance, compare a teacher who loves teaching with a worker who takes high pay but feels unhappy every day.

task response

Be careful with broad claims. Not all high-pay jobs give free flights, help with school fees for children, or many other benefits. Say that some jobs may give these things.

coherence and cohesion

Your four-part shape is clear: start, one side, the other side, and end. Keep this clear shape in future essays.

coherence and cohesion

Link each paragraph more closely to your main view. After each reason, add one sentence that says why this point supports your view about pay and work people love.

coherence and cohesion

Use fewer repeated link words such as “Moreover”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore”. At times, join ideas with “so”, “because”, “but”, or “while” for a more natural flow.

coherence and cohesion

Make the last paragraph match the first paragraph. If your view is that both matter equally, end by saying young people should look for work they enjoy with enough pay for their needs.

task response

You address both sides of the choice: doing work a person loves and choosing work with high pay.

task response

Your points are relevant. You explain personal growth, money freedom, help for family, and help for the community.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is easy to follow because each body paragraph has one clear main idea.

coherence and cohesion

You use clear paragraph starts such as “To begin with”, “On the contrary”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

n many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

Today ,people are using the things and throwing or replacing it with latest models or latest fashion. Do the disadvantages of throwaway society outweigh any possible economic advantage ?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work. Schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?

Some human rights advocates believe there should be free migration throughtout the world. what would be the result of anybody being able to go anywhere.