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Writing Samples
Band 7

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Sustainable development is the key to a great future!
However
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, it is believed that health problems will keep rising in the future. I completely support
this
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 view, and in
this
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 essay, I will state reasons and some supporting examples to express my view.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 contemporary era, with the advancement in technology, the use of fossil fuels has flourished, resulting in more carbon emissions. These harmful gases are degrading air and soil quality.
Although
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 governments of some countries are focusing more on reducing carbon emissions, they are not succeeding. Environmental degradation has risen over the
last
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 decade.
For example
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, the AQI of the capital
city
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 of India, Delhi, is above 150, which was below 100 for the whole of the
last
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 decade. Bad AQI can be the reason for new diseases and illnesses.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, we can see a huge difference between the two lifestyles of
people
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: village residents and
city
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 residents. It has been seen that folks who live in the
city
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 area suffer from more health-related issues than the
people
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 who are in the village area. The major issue is their hectic schedule and mental pressure.
Due to
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 the fast-paced and multitasking environment, urban residents have no time to take care of their bodies. Nowadays, more
people
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 are moving from rural areas to urban areas in search of jobs, expanding
city
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 populations.
For instance
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,
Population
Rephrase
the population
 of Toronto
city
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 was 600000 in the year 2011, which is above 1000000 now.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, unless
people
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 use natural resources responsibly, future generations may face serious shortages & quality degradation of essential resources, which will affect the
overall
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 health and life span of human beings.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph: say that you agree that people’s health will be lower in the future. Keep this same idea in every part of the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, show how dirty air can lead to lung and heart problems, and how stress, poor sleep, and less exercise in cities can harm health.
task response
Use examples with care. The Delhi and Toronto facts need to be exact and clearly linked to your point. A simple general example may be safer if you are not sure about a number.
task response
Your last paragraph adds resource shortages, but this was not fully explained in the body. Either develop this idea in a body paragraph or make the ending focus only on air pollution and city life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a direct main idea. For example: “First, air pollution may make people less healthy in the future.” Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words, but do not rely on them alone. Explain the cause and result: fossil fuels cause dirty air; dirty air causes more health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or repeated wording, such as “city area” and “village area.” Use “cities” and “rural areas” instead. This will make the writing easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion and provide two relevant reasons: pollution and the pressure of city life.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of future health and includes examples to support the main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, and “In a nutshell” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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