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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some persons prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, however think that change is a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Introduction
While
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 some individuals prefer to have stable lives, others argue that changing and enhancing their lives is required to live a good life. Both views have valid points , which I will consider in
this
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 essay alongside my own perspective.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, staying the same has good points.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 would rather feel safe with a regular daily routine, so they can build deep skill in one area and have a steady job or home.
In addition
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, the idea of change scares them, so they had accepted their situation and removed the idea of a new experience.
For example
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, many
people
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 living in small towns do not attempt to move to a bigger city to start a new career, because they are scared that they might get judged by other
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who like change and like to explore new things believe that change can bring growth, because new things give more chances to learn, meet new
people
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, and find a better life. It
also
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 opens new opportunities. For examble me, when I first decided to study abroad alone away from my family, I have founded very difficult ;
however
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, when I finished my studies, I came back a completely different person. I have become more confident and more mature. I would not be that person if I did not take the risk and move forward.
Conclusion
In conclusion, sometimes changing could be very beneficial , but a steady routine keeps security.
People
Use synonyms
 can plan small steps to grow
while
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 staying safe. From my perspective, I think a mix is best;keep some routine for safety and try things now and
then
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 to grow.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why a mix of safety and change is best, and show how this can work in real life.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how doing the same work can build skill over many years, and how change can bring both good results and risk.
task response
Your study abroad example is useful and personal. Make it more direct: say what was hard, what you learned, and why this proves that change can help people grow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, one side, the other side, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first line of each body part state the main idea more fully. For example: "A stable life can give people safety, skill, and peace of mind." Then explain each point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "For instance", "in addition", "on the other hand", and "in conclusion" are used well. Add clear links inside long ideas, such as "because", "therefore", and "as a result".
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the time is not clear. Use the right form: "they have accepted" instead of "they had accepted"; "I found it very difficult" instead of "I have founded very difficult"; and "I became" instead of "I have become" when you mean a past event.
coherence and cohesion
Check small writing points that can stop the flow: "For example" not "For examble me"; no space before a comma or full stop; and leave a space after a full stop, as in "best; keep".
task response
You discuss both views fairly: safety and routine on one side, and growth and new chances on the other.
task response
Your own view is clear in the ending: people can keep some routine while also trying new things.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part stays on one main idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The ending brings the two sides together instead of only repeating earlier ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stay the same
  • routine life
  • security
  • comfort
  • familiar
  • risk
  • learn
  • change
  • grow
  • progress
  • adapt
  • skills
  • job
  • life
  • plan
  • balance
  • decision
  • opinion
  • conclusion
  • discuss
  • view
  • example
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