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Writing Samples
Band 6

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided maps present a significant transformation in
layout
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the layout
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 of
Use synonyms
city
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the city
show examples
 hospital before and after
construction
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the construction
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 of several facilities for patients.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is evident that the area experienced a major
changes
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change
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 with the development of infrastructure to be a better public use area. Moving to
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 first map,the
city
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 hospital in 2007 was in the middle under the Ring
road
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,More over
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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, there was a hospital
road
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 extended to the south direction,surrounded by a bus stop for staff and public clients. near the
city
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road
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the other map, one of the most remarkable changes that happened in 2010 that the two rounabouts had been published.The first one was
branshed
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branched
 from the
city
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 hospital
streached
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stretched
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 to the south and connected to
other
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the other
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 one by a hospital
road
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the bus station was moved to the west side.
Interistingly
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Interestingly
,the
parkings
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parking
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 for staff and public users was
seperated in
Rephrase
separated into
 two different locations, as the employee parking stayed
same
Rephrase
at the same
 site beside the hospital
road
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the visitor car park
replaced
Verb problem
was replaced
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in
Rephrase
on the
 east side.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, road with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic flow
  • road access
  • ring road
  • bus stops
  • bus station
  • congestion
  • parking facilities
  • pedestrian crossings
  • vehicular flow
  • organizational structure
  • accessibility
  • enhancements
  • configuration
  • dedicated
  • diverting traffic
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