Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future. Do you think it is positive or negative?

#people #proportion #future

There are more young

people

than elderly

people

in our

society

at present.

However

, many

people

expect the proportion of old

people

to be more than young

people

in the future.

This

essay will discuss why having more elderly

people

than young ones in the future is a disadvantage. The world’s current census says that 40

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

the worlds population

Change to a genitive case

the world's population

the population of the world

show examples

are over 60 years old.

People

this

age bracket are termed old. There are benefits to having

this

set of

people

in our

society

. The most important benefit they bring is their experience in various facets of life. Having more old

people

society

will bring about a more informed and knowledgeable

society

This

will impact positively on societal activities

such

as elections and in educational institutions.

For example

in the

last

elections held, the proportion of youths who had voters cards were less than older

people

However

, the disadvantages of having more old

people

than young ones outweigh the advantages.

Firstly

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

society

will become a dependent

society

This

will put a lot of stress in the economy. Since more jobs are tailored for younger

people

, there will be

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

indivisuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

to fill

such

roles. At the same time

Add a comma

show examples

the government will have to pay more pensions.

For example

, the total budget for pensions in the year 2019 was more than half the total salaries paid to government workers in that same year. In conclusion, having an experienced and knowledgeable

society

in form of old

people

is a good thing.

However

, the disadvantage of having a dependent

society

outweighs

such

benefits.

Submitted by Ovo on Tue Mar 26 2019

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future. Do you think it is positive or negative?

Your opinion

The number of children that read for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage children to read more?

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What are the causes of this? and what effect it will have on society?

Due to the development and fast exapansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small business are unable to compete. Some people believe that the of small business will bring about the death of the local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.