IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 believe that the expenditure of
art
Use synonyms
 by
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment is unnecessary and some other sector deserves
this
Linking Words
 money more. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, are is a form which represents culture, human emotion and largely, humanity. From stoneage,
people
Use synonyms
 are engaging themselves on
art
Use synonyms
. It does not only give
people
Use synonyms
 visual pleasure but
also
Linking Words
 gives their heart peace. Many
people
Use synonyms
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that they managed inspiration or reason
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 living even the meaning of life through
art
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 may think that
art
Use synonyms
 has no productivity so that the money should be invested
on
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 some industries or factories.
However
Linking Words
, a good painting may not help a nation economically much, but it can make us feel human. To give a clear example, a painting on poor
people
Use synonyms
 can melt
out
Correct the word
our
show examples
 heart and inspire us to help them.
This
Linking Words
 type of emotions are created by
art
Use synonyms
 and these emotions
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 humanity. In my opinion,
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 money on
art
Use synonyms
 as much as required. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
having a practical life, dealing with materialistic staff,
people
Use synonyms
 have to go back to the fundamental reason
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 living which is happiness. So, if
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment stop funding on
art
Use synonyms
, many
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
show examples
 would be forced to stop painting and
n
Add an article
the
show examples
ation would lose many talents and inspirational paintings. In conclusion, I would recommend the expenditure on
art
Use synonyms
 as necessary.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 expenditure is not any sense of wastage,
this
Linking Words
 is necessary for humankind.
Submitted by nafisaalink on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: