Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment

Many people believe that the expenditure on enhancing healthy

lifestyle

to avoid from diseases rather than spending

money

on medical conditions to cure people of their available health issues. While I agree that

impulsing

impressive in appearance

imposing

healthy

lifestyle

should be invested, I

also

think that the support of government for treating many patients is likely to be more vital. On the one hand, there are

serveral

(used with count nouns) of an indefinite number more than 2 or 3 but not many

several

reasons why I believe that authority should spend their

money

on encouraging

healthy

Suggestion

healthy lifestyles

a healthy lifestyle

lifestyle

Firstly

, it is true that some diseases might result from sedentary life on a daily basis. People seem to be so caught up in their works and studies,

hence

, they are not accustomed to do exercises regularly to maintain their health.

Secondly

, more people tend to prefer travelling by cars to

walking

Suggestion

walk

or to cycling, which leads to a significant increase in the number of people being more prone

in the direction of

obesity in

manycountries

Suggestion

many countries

around the world.

Therefore

, it is necessary for government to spend

money

on not only constructing more new sport

centres but

Accept comma addition

centres, but

also

on improving the quality of public transport to advocate people to live

healthier

Suggestion

a healthier lifestyle

healthier lifestyles

lifestyle

On the other hand

, I

also

think that the expenditure on the treatment of people who are suffering illness is more important. The

first

reason is that beside unhealthy

lifestyle

, there are some other reasons which may cause serious health issues. In Vietnam,

for example

, the hazardous problem of dirty food, water and air pollution all have

becomed

enter or assume a certain state or condition

become

became

burning topics that everyone concerns because they have been detrimental directly to their lives. Another reason is that many patients, especially who have chronic and acute diseases,

needs

Suggestion

need

medicines and

effectively

Suggestion

effective

medical techniques to be cured.

As a result

, the most essential thing for people who are ill already is the support from government in the way of spending public

money

on enhancing the quality of services in many hospitals and researching on medical conditions. In conclusion, spending public

money

on the treatment of people who are having

illness

Suggestion

an illness

is less important than the expenditure on encouraging healthy

lifestyle

to prevent diseases.

Although

it is necessary to invest in improving people’s

lifestyle

, I think that spending on curing patients is more important.

Submitted by khanh.tree.edu.vn on Sat Mar 30 2019

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

promote
healthy lifestyle
prevent
illness
treatment
public money
government expenditure
reduce
burden
healthcare system
preventive measures
improve
well-being
invest
long-term benefits
society
necessary care
balance
address
effectively

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Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

TODAY, THERE IS MORE AND MORE COMPETITION FOR GETTIND INTO UNIVERSITY. iS THIS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT.

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that cities should allow for spaces for graffiti while others feel it should be banned. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Every large city in the world is facing the problem of increasing traffic from the growing numbers of cars and other motor vehicles. What factors are responsible for the increase in traffic? How can this traffic problem be reduced?