Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment

Many people believe that the expenditure on enhancing healthy

lifestyle

to avoid from diseases rather than spending

money

on medical conditions to cure people of their available health issues. While I agree that

impulsing

impressive in appearance

imposing

healthy

lifestyle

should be invested, I

also

think that the support of government for treating many patients is likely to be more vital. On the one hand, there are

serveral

(used with count nouns) of an indefinite number more than 2 or 3 but not many

several

reasons why I believe that authority should spend their

money

on encouraging

healthy

Suggestion

healthy lifestyles

a healthy lifestyle

lifestyle

Firstly

, it is true that some diseases might result from sedentary life on a daily basis. People seem to be so caught up in their works and studies,

hence

, they are not accustomed to do exercises regularly to maintain their health.

Secondly

, more people tend to prefer travelling by cars to

walking

Suggestion

walk

or to cycling, which leads to a significant increase in the number of people being more prone

in the direction of

obesity in

manycountries

Suggestion

many countries

around the world.

Therefore

, it is necessary for government to spend

money

on not only constructing more new sport

centres but

Accept comma addition

centres, but

also

on improving the quality of public transport to advocate people to live

healthier

Suggestion

a healthier lifestyle

healthier lifestyles

lifestyle

On the other hand

, I

also

think that the expenditure on the treatment of people who are suffering illness is more important. The

first

reason is that beside unhealthy

lifestyle

, there are some other reasons which may cause serious health issues. In Vietnam,

for example

, the hazardous problem of dirty food, water and air pollution all have

becomed

enter or assume a certain state or condition

become

became

burning topics that everyone concerns because they have been detrimental directly to their lives. Another reason is that many patients, especially who have chronic and acute diseases,

needs

Suggestion

need

medicines and

effectively

Suggestion

effective

medical techniques to be cured.

As a result

, the most essential thing for people who are ill already is the support from government in the way of spending public

money

on enhancing the quality of services in many hospitals and researching on medical conditions. In conclusion, spending public

money

on the treatment of people who are having

illness

Suggestion

an illness

is less important than the expenditure on encouraging healthy

lifestyle

to prevent diseases.

Although

it is necessary to invest in improving people’s

lifestyle

, I think that spending on curing patients is more important.

Submitted by khanh.tree.edu.vn on Sat Mar 30 2019

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

promote
healthy lifestyle
prevent
illness
treatment
public money
government expenditure
reduce
burden
healthcare system
preventive measures
improve
well-being
invest
long-term benefits
society
necessary care
balance
address
effectively

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In our contemporary, there is a growing trend that buyers have a strong affinity for renowned brands. This essay will delve into the reasons that contribute to this phenomenon before presenting my personal stance on the matter.
4.5
band
More and more plastic waste is polluting cities, countrysides and oceans on the world. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?
In the current world, the subject of polluting urban areas, rural areas, and seas with plastic rubbish has become increasingly important due to a wide variety of reasons, such as protecting wildlife and keeping nature clean. A great deal of reasons can be given in terms of this. However, there are lots of solutions that can be implemented in this specific regard.
6
band
Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?
It is an undeniable truth that, tourism is very popular in this concurrent age. There are certain obvious advantages brought to individuals and society, by this increasing propensity to travel. In this essay, I would like to highlight a few of them by citing examples.
5
band
These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, a greater number of TV shows are using violent graphics for entertainment, and it is supposedly having a bad influence on youngsters. I agree that the increased consumption of extreme fighting scenes by little ones is negatively changing their behaviour. The increasing crime rate among juveniles and a greater depression among children are the major attitude changes visible across societies.
6
band
The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or dis- advantages? Share personal examples in your essay.
In the recent world, especially after the COVID-19 pamdemic, the number of people who work remotely from their home has increased rapidly. This phenomenon was largely supported by the development of the Internet. As a consequence, people obtained chances to work flexibly without the stress of commuting everyday. However there are a few significant drawbacks of remote working as well. I will raise some examples of both benefits and disadvantages and finally want to state my opinion that the practice has more advantages overall.

Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

More and more plastic waste is polluting cities, countrysides and oceans on the world. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or dis- advantages? Share personal examples in your essay.