IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
Many thinking
of
Suggestion
about
 work
on
Suggestion
in
 the community service as a volunteer that should be forced and must be carried out in high school programmers.
Although
 being a volunteer ought to be encourages, I do not agree that we should perform it as a mandatory part of high school programmers. Most teenagers feel
stresses
Suggestion
stressed
stress
 from their studies already. And so, they don’t need to add more responsibility of working the unpaid community service in their free time. Young people
have been learning
Suggestion
are learning
 as a full-time job in order to prepare their later lives: working out for their university entrance examination, their final exam or paying attention
on
Suggestion
to
 the major knowledge which is they received in class
everyday
Suggestion
every day
.
Besides
, we might suggestions it as good actives in young
childrens’
Suggestion
children’s
children
 vacation without compulsory. On the other hands, I do not think that
society
 will have a positive change from students to do unpaid work. As we know, the main proposed idea that helping the
society
 is one of ways to practice basis skills for the
children which
Accept comma addition
children, which
 is
help
Suggestion
helping
 them to be mature enough in their life.
Likewise
,
this
 can turn shy children into positive members.
Additionally
, let’s make them decide
instead
 of obliging students
.
Accept space
.
Indeed that
Accept comma addition
Indeed, that
 will only lead to resentment amongst young children and that could be considered that we are trying to against the values of free and break the fair
society
 what the human are going to turn towards. In conclusion, I think
there are more other
Suggestion
there are other more
 efficient methods to improve the
society
 without making it compulsory.
Submitted by nguyenthuan97haha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: