IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

International tourism is the world’s biggest industry. Unfortunately, this trend often causes tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. Agree or disagree

#tourism #world’s #industry #trend #tension #people #cultures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I a
wworld
everything that exists anywhere
world
word
 with far more modernized than ever before international tourism has
became
Suggestion
become
 the most prominent sector in
industry
Suggestion
the industry
. While there are several
benificial
Suggestion
benefits
beneficial
 for
this
Linking Words
 trend, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend
could still brings
Suggestion
could still bring
 drawbacks. It is clear that foreign tourists bring some advantages for local people.
This
Linking Words
 is due to the fact that oversea tourists would create job opportunities for the local as well as directly contribute to
thier
of them or themselves
their
 income via
accomodation
making or becoming suitable; adjusting to circumstances
accommodation
, food and transportation.
As a result
Linking Words
, local people could improve standard livings, spending more money for their health and educating their children in a better way.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 to be a very short-sighted view. It is evidence that tourists coming from other nations would destroy biodiversity as well as residential areas. To be more precise, investors could cut down
trees even
Accept comma addition
trees, even
 forest to build attractive areas which captivate tourists to raise income for it. It is evidence that foreign visitors could bring a mix of civilisations.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because
simultanously
at the same instant
simultaneously
 people become easier to approach new
culture
Suggestion
cultural
 values coming from
other countries in over
Suggestion
other countries over
 the world.
Consequently
Linking Words
, local would lost traditional values as well as unique cultures remained thousand years. What is more, the local face with contamination issues produced by
tourists
someone who theorizes (especially in science or art)
theorists
such
Linking Words
 as air or noise
pullutions
undesirable state of the natural environment being contaminated with harmful substances as a consequence of human activities
pollution
. Because travellers could use mean of transportations to move all of attractive
destinationand
Suggestion
destination and
 speak with any
volumn
a line of units following one after another
column
volume
 they want.
This
Linking Words
 would lead to people could easier to get diseases related to lung or mental illnesses. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are some merits from international tourists in
tourism industry
Suggestion
the tourism industry
. I
would be believe
Suggestion
would believe
 that the phenomenon
also
Linking Words
 brings some demerits.
Submitted by vtnquynh3011 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: