IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #service #companies #healthcare
It is true that a growing number of
hospital
Suggestion
hospitals
 are now run by private companies. While I accept that
this
 trend brings some drawbacks, I believe that it is more likely to have many long term advantages for all citizens. On the one hand, private healthcare services may have some drawbacks.
Firstly
, treatment fees of these centres are higher than those run by governments so that low-income individuals cannot afford to use their services.
In other words
, these healthcare service providers only serve a small group of citizens, which may pose a threat to social equality.
Furthermore
, governments may struggle to monitor treatment processes in private hospitals, leading to unwanted deaths. Take
Vietnam
Accept comma addition
Vietnam, for
for example
, many patients died because independent hospitals used unauthorized methods and some illegal types of medicine to treat them.
On the other hand
, I would argue that the negative impacts are outweighed by the potential benefits. Independent healthcare centres make a profound contribution to solving the overcrowding of public centres.
An
Suggestion
A
 reduction in the number of patients may improve the treatment efficiency and the quality of hospitals’ services.
Besides
, private
hospitals which
Accept comma addition
hospitals, which
 are operated by large companies or organizations tend to pour an enormous amount of money in research into cures for chronic diseases like cancer or diabetes type II.
As a result
, state budgets can be used for other important sectors
such
 as education or infrastructure.
Although
 private hospitals have immediate effects, it seems to me that the benefits are more significant for some mentioned reasons.
Submitted by buidung21989 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit-making companies
  • medical services
  • public healthcare systems
  • state-of-the-art facilities
  • personalized care
  • innovation and efficiency
  • equity and access
  • public institutions
  • healthcare disparity
  • accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: