Some people feel that entertainer (I.e film stars pop musicians and sports stars )are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree . Which are the types of jobs should be highly paid.

#people #entertainer #e #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs

Entertainment industry

Suggestion

The entertainment industry

is considered as a highly paid industry in all over the

world

Accept comma addition

world, however

however

it is a becoming eye-catching topic to discuss whether it is economically acceptable or not. Some people believe entertainer like film stars, pop musicians, sports starts are paid higher than other occupations. As long as

amount

Suggestion

an amount

of reward for an effort is concerned and

such

entertainers deserve a handsome money. They have a distinct

talents

Suggestion

talent

and skills and they execute extra efforts and practice to make

theirselves

reflexive form of "them"

themselves

eligible for entering into

entertainment world

Suggestion

the entertainment world

. In some case, like Hollywood actors/actress put their life at risk in performing an extra-ordinary role or play. Whereas, some sports persons

also

have

greater chance

Suggestion

a greater chance

of on-field injuries. But,

amount

Suggestion

the amount

of salary in other jobs

do not justify

Suggestion

does not justify

this

point.

Well balanced

Suggestion

The well balanced country

country

also

in need of other quality services from doctors, defence entity, teachers etc. Military group is providing the protection shield to

country

against the danger of anti-social activities for peaceful environment. They should be paid comparatively high for their involvement in

country

's safety.

Moreover

country

's education system plays major role in

successful

Suggestion

successful countries

a successful country

country

. Rather spending too much money behind entertainment industry starts, it should be invested in paying enough

Suggestion

for

teachers and in developing resources for

bright future

Suggestion

the bright future

nation

Suggestion

the nation

a nation

. All in all, I agree

instead

paying too much to

entertainer

Suggestion

entertain

, some other types of job like military service, teachers should be paid highly too.

Submitted by siddhraj15 on Sun Mar 31 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

238 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people feel that entertainer (I.e film stars pop musicians and sports stars )are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree . Which are the types of jobs should be highly paid.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

HAPPINESS is considered very important in life Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Some teachers think that changing subjects with every lesson will help their students focus more. However, other teachers think that offering their students several lessons on the same subject in a row will help them focus more. Which opinion do you think is better?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a chil's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?