In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisers #amount #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #object #pressure #information #advertisements

In some parts of the world, children are faced with the increase of advertisements which encourage them to buy foods and entertainment gadgets. There has been some objections raised by these children's parents about the impact on their kids while other people working in

advertising field

Suggestion

the advertising field

claimed that their works bring

knowledge

customer

Suggestion

the customer

customers

This

essay will discuss both opinion and give own perception of

writter

writes (books or stories or articles or the like) professionally (for pay)

writers

Firstly

, there are concerns that the increasing of advertising can pose a threat to a children mind set. On a daily basis, too many advertisements can result in making children to think that the procession of the product is an absolutely must.

For example

, children watching

Suggestion

advertisement about a new Lego product with many cool benefits day after day is likely to make tricks so as to force their parents to buy the thing that they see.

This

can be the root of children not obeying to their parents if these kids don't get what they want.

Besides

that, one of the

result

Suggestion

results

could be inequality among children in their school. With young children's friends keep buying snacks, toys that are introduced on

Suggestion

an advertisement

this

will make other kids feel intimidated and less

confidents

having or marked by confidence or assurance

confident

confidence

as they don't process what

other

plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned

others

have.

On the other hand

, advertisements can enrich children with

knowledge

and offer them a better

tools

Suggestion

tool

for their future. Young children who watch advertisements related to technology

such

as new

mobilephones

Suggestion

mobile phones

, the development of microchips can gain

usefull

being of use or service

useful

information which can be used in many subjects at school. They will be equipped with

knowledge

that are not being taught at school and get a chance to know more about the world they are living in.

Other

Suggestion

Another

benefit can be listed is that these advertisements will notice children with the retail price of the products and the way it is introduced to customers. For those children who show

interest

Suggestion

an interest

in marketing and

sale

Suggestion

sales

jobs,

this

plural of "this"

these

those

benefits can set the

foudation

the basis on which something is grounded

foundation

of young

children

Suggestion

child's

children's

child

mind set

a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations

mindset

which can eventually

helping

Suggestion

help

them in creating marketing strategy or sale campaign lately.

However at

Accept comma addition

However, at

the early age without guidance from parents, children

can easily be attract

Suggestion

can easily attract

can easily be attracted

to a degree exceeding normal or proper limits

too

many products that they see on advertisements.

This

will create pressure not only on

yound

(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth

young

pupils but

Accept comma addition

pupils, but

also

on their parents. If demand is not

meet

Suggestion

met

, it may cause these children to experience some drawbacks that have been discussed above In conclusion, there are still arguments between the benefits and drawbacks impacts of the increasing advertising on children. In my point of view, advertisements in some aspects can benefit children with many

usefull

being of use or service

useful

information and

knowledge

despite of the increasing in number.

Thus

, the benefit of

this

problem

outweight

Suggestion

outweighs

outweigh

their drawbacks.

Submitted by hieu.9a8.dt on Mon Apr 01 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

451 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?