Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Firstly
, a social media
website
can connects
Suggestion
can connect
people. My sister Mina lives in the Czech Republic and I can share my mother's birthday and my cousin's wedding pictures with her via
facebook
Suggestion
Facebook
. She would know that we are healthy and miss her very much. In old times it was impossible to connect people who lives at abroad. I remember that my aunt who lives in US could call only once or twice a year, because she could not afford the expensive international call fee. We missed her a lot,
therefore
we exchanged letters.
However
the letters take
long time
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a long time
to get here. The problem is, you have to pay to make
a
Suggestion
an
intenational
Suggestion
international
International
phone call.
Also you
Accept comma addition
Also, you
need to pay for the stamps, and international stamps
are cost
Suggestion
cost
are costing
have cost
have costed
a lot. For a social media
website
you don't need to pay anymore, if you are already paying for the internet and a
lap top
a portable computer small enough to use in your lap
laptop
or a smartphone.
Secondly
, you can learn
foreign
Suggestion
a foreign language
foreign languages
language
more easily. Right now I am learning Czech
language
to visit my sister Mina. I would stay
for
Suggestion
in
her house for a while and I don't want to be a burden for her. Before 10 years
ago it
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ago, it
was impossible to find a
language
exchange partner who speaks Czech in the South Korea. But right now I am having three
language
partners from Czech who want to learn Korean. The Czech
language
lesson takes a lot of money from me,
therefore
I am happy that I can practice my Czech with my
language
exchange partners. Now I am ready to order groceries from
Czech supermarket
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the Czech supermarket
a Czech supermarket
with
Czech
Suggestion
the Czech language
language
. If I did not have help from my
language
partners, I could not do it. I took an
advantges
the quality of having a superior or more favorable position
advantages
advantage
of a social media
website
and could have those
language
partners. Without a social media
website
, I could not practice my Czech.
Thirdly
, your world could become wider. I know nobody from North Korea. The information
of
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about
on
North Korea is kind of
confidential
Suggestion
confidence
in South Korea, you get only one
view
- South Korean
Goverment's
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Government's
Governments
view
on
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of
it. I
belived
accept as true; take to be true
believed
believe
that everything the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
told me is only one true fact.
However
, when I learned English and Chinese, I googled North Korea and found out that there are lots of different
point
Suggestion
points
of
view
of North Korea. I am not saying that our
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
view
is wrong. I'd like to know more information and different kind of viewpoint before I form my own opinion. With a social media
website
, I could know lots of American's point of
view
on North Korea, and it was very interesting. The sea of information is not only for political problems. I found out a pizza
recipie
directions for making something
recipe
from the Naples and it tasted so great.
For
Suggestion
In
summary, I would like to point that a social media
website
is affordable. It can work as free international phone or
commnunity
a group of people living in a particular local area
community
board. And you can find a
language
partner if you are learning a new
language
.
Lastly
, people can exchange various opinions about everything from political problems
to
Suggestion
with
food
recipie
directions for making something
recipes
.
Submitted by hana.yu on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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