IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
Nowadays, some people believe that governmental authorities need to lessen their expenditure on the arts so as to devote more
money
 to the process of learning. In
this
 essay, I will clarify why I agree with
this
 point of view. Spending
money
on
Suggestion
for
 the arts is not a matter of paramount importance
in contrast
 to education.
This
 is because the arts, albeit valuable, are not one of the cornerstone factors of the country’s development. A particularly salient example of
this
 is the educational system in Egypt, in which a lot of financial resources are allocated to the construction of
theaters
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatres
 and maintenance of precious paintings, while at the same time, not offering
ample amount
Suggestion
an ample amount
ample amounts
 of
money
 for upgrading the learning amenities
such
 as universities and institutes.
Therefore
, dedicating
gigantic amount
Suggestion
the gigantic amount
 of governmental budget to the arts should not be one of the top priorities of the authorities.
In addition
, paying attention to thriving the educational system is vastly advantageous for many reasons.
Firstly
, learning is pivotal for boosting the moral and intellectual capacity of children.
This
 is because that if it had not been for well-developed educational facilities, there would have been colossal spread of ignorance and escalated crime rates.
Furthermore
, the more prosperous is the learning process, the more creative future generations will be,
thus
, sharpening their imagination skills with
more proclivity
Suggestion
a more proclivity
 to become outstanding artistic figures. So, spending
money
 on education is
investment
Suggestion
an investment
for
Suggestion
in
 the arts indirectly. In conclusion, despite the fact that the arts are appreciable, I believe that more
money
 should be directed to financing education services.
Submitted by oemshaty on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: