IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Children
Use synonyms
 are the backbone of every country.So, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who tend to believe that youngsters should be encouraged to initiate social work as it will
results
Change the verb form
result
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 in
flourished
Correct article usage
a flourished
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 society and individualistic growth of youngsters themselves. I, too believe that
this
Linking Words
 motivation has more benefits than its drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, social work by
children
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 can be easily associated with personality development because
during
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,during
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this
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 drive, they tend to communicate with
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
people
Use synonyms
,
leads
Correct pronoun usage
which leads
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 to polished verbal skills.
For example
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, if they start convincing rural
people
Use synonyms
 to send their
children
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in
Change preposition
to
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 school they have to
be
Verb problem
have
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such
Linking Words
 a convincing attitude
along with
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 developed verbal skills to deal with diverse
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 there.
This
Linking Words
 improved skill will help them lifelong in every arena.
Apart from
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this
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, the true values of life like tolerance,patience,team spirit,
cooperation
Correct word choice
and cooperation
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 can be learnt.
Besides
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 that, young
mind
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minds
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 serve the country with full enthusiasm
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 gives them
feeling
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a feeling
the feeling
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 of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 and
self satisfaction
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self-satisfaction
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.
This
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 worthiness for themselves
brim
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brims
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 them with
self confidence
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self-confidence
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 and patriotic feeling.
Moreover
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,going and experiencing multiple
culture
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cultures
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 and
tradition
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traditions
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 make their horizon so broad that add one more feather
in
Change preposition
to
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 their cap.
However
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, It is truly said, no rose without thrones. Can the drawbacks of
this
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 initiation be ignored?
Children
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 go to school, participate
indifferent
Correct your spelling
in different
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 curriculum activities,
endure
Correct word choice
and endure
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 the pressure of peers, parents, and teachers and in
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 world they should not be expected to serve society without their self benefits.
This
Linking Words
 kind of pressure might bring resentment in their mind. In
conclusion
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,conclusion
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 I believe,
notion
Add an article
the notion
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 of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 doing unpaid work is indeed good but proper monitoring and care should be given to avoid untoward consequences.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay responses hit each part of the task's criteria. For example, in this task you were asked to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement. While you mention agreement, you do not make your position fully clear.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to better support your arguments. For example, in this essay, you could have provided specific instances or statistics that show how community work has benefited teenagers or the society.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, but try to connect your ideas more fluidly. This helps your readers follow your thoughts more efficiently, improving your score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, though you could improve by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and reinforcing your argument in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes several main points each supported by explanations, but some points could have been expressed more clearly. Make sure each main argument is developed in such a way that makes it easy for your reader to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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