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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status
The chart illustrates the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent per
week
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
leisure
Add an article
the leisure
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time
Use synonyms
 by
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 of various employment categories in 1998-99.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 spent more
hours
Use synonyms
 on
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities than
women
Use synonyms
 did in the period given. Both genders were most available to free
time
Use synonyms
 in the unemployed and retired status
while
Linking Words
 the least accessible to have a rest were employed
Add the comma(s)
,full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there were no data given for
men
Use synonyms
 in
employed
Correct article usage
the employed
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 bracket and housewives respectively. In terms of
unemployed
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the unemployed
an unemployed
show examples
 and retired group,
men
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 spent about 85
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 enjoying
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 as opposed to
women
Use synonyms
 at around 75
hours
Use synonyms
. As for employed
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 comparably on
leisure
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for almost 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
, which is 10
hours
Use synonyms
 more than
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
 spent
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 on
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 about 40 per
week
Use synonyms
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
comparison to almost 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of housewives.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, week, leisure, time, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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