IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many headmasters are considering a new school rule: ‘Mobile phones are not allowed at school’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this rule? Write an essay of about 250 words to support your answer.

There has appeared a debate over the utilization of mobile phones at academic environment. According to many principals, students are not permitted to
use
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cell
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 phones at
school
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. Personally, I absolutely disagree with them on
this
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school
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 policy.
Firstly
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, what I put in priority is mobile communication that
cell
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 phone
bring
Suggestion
brings
 about
to
being one more than one
two
 students. It is common knowledge that because mobile phones are handy and independent of a landline connection, students are likely to carry them everywhere.
This
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,
therefore
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, helps them to contact instantly with their parents or relatives in case of emergency. More interestingly, some kinds of smart phones functioned as computers connected to the Internet enable student to communicate easily and cheaply with others thanks to the available services as
Zalo
a member of the tall Negroid people of eastern South Africa; some live in KwaZulu-Natal under the traditional clan system but many now work in the cities
Zulu
shallow
, Instagram, Facebook, and Messenger. Without doubt, mobile communication is a convincing reason against the ban of
cell
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 phones at
school
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.
Secondly
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, study efficiency holds no less importance. Apparently, pupils cannot deny the key role of
cell
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 phones in helping them accumulating knowledge to serve their study if they own an Internet-connected
cell
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 phone. By making
use
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 of the Internet services, available
Websites
Suggestion
Web sites
, they are likely to find supplementary materials related to the topics learned
at
Suggestion
in
class
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.
More notably
Suggestion
Most notably
, they can raise problems in a forum for
further
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 discussion.
This
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, obviously, stimulates them to gain a deeper understanding of the matter in
class
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. Opponents of my idea may claim that children who are allowed to
use
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cell
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 phones at
school
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 often neglect their studying and may be addicted to online games because they spend more time on smart phones than lessons. A closer examination/ analysis,
however
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, indicates/ suggests that the argument may not be supported by the fact. The number of students in
this
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 case is in
minority
Suggestion
the minority
. During the
class
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 time, students are well observed by their teachers who allow them to make
use
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 of
cellphone
Suggestion
cell phone
 in
necessary situation
Suggestion
necessary situations
a necessary situation
. At recess, within 10 minutes, it does not matter if pupils
use
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 their
cell
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 phones as a mean of entertainment to relax themselves with various applications after
the tense
Suggestion
the tension
 of the
class
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. Beyond a shadow of doubt,
cell
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 phones provide students with more advantages than disadvantages. In conclusion, the aforementioned are the convincing reasons for my opposing the prohibition of mobiles at academic setting. It is my strong recommendation that principals should take my views into account to adopt proper
polices
a plan of action adopted by an individual or social group
policies
 on students’
use
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 of
cell
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 phones at learning environment so that they can take full
use
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 of mobile phones to serve their lives and their study best.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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